You typed it into Google. You hit enter. And now you’re here, likely in Incognito Mode, feeling a mix of frustration, guilt, and maybe a little bit of panic.

It feels like a dirty sentence to type. It sounds shallow. It sounds like something a “bad guy” would say.

But you aren’t here because you hate your wife. You’re here because the woman you married looks different than the woman you dated, and you don’t know how to handle it.

Maybe your attraction has tanked. Maybe you’re worried about her health. Maybe you feel like the dynamic has shifted—you stayed the same, but she changed.

And because you can’t say this to her face without starting World War III, you’re saying it to a search engine.

Key Takeaways

• You didn’t get scammed: She didn’t “trick” you; her metabolic priorities shifted from “attracting a mate” to “building a life.”
• Biology is unfair: You can likely eat the same dinner and maintain your weight, while that same calorie count makes her gain.
• Attraction is fluid: It’s normal for desire to dip, but it’s often tied to emotional connection, not just dress size.
• Nagging fails: Telling her to lose weight usually triggers stress eating; changing the environment works infinitely better.
• Sabotage is subtle: Even if you are fit, bringing home snacks “for yourself” might be making it impossible for her to succeed.

The Bait and Switch Myth

If you browse the dark corners of Reddit, you’ll see angry men claiming they were victims of the “Bait and Switch.”

The theory: Women starve themselves and hit the gym to trap a husband, and the second the ring is on, they “let themselves go.”

If you are thinking this, stop.

Your wife didn’t run a long-con on you. She just evolved.

When you were dating, her job was dating. Investing in her appearance was a primary biological imperative to find a partner. Now that she has a partner (you), her biological energy has shifted toward maintaining the “nest”—career, home, maybe kids.

There are specific biological and behavioral reasons why women gain weight that have nothing to do with laziness. It explains how the shift from the adrenaline of new love to the oxytocin of deep bonding actually changes her metabolism.

She didn’t get lazy. She got comfortable.

The Check Yourself Moment

Before we diagnose her, we need to diagnose you. Men searching for this usually fall into one of two camps.

Camp A: The Hypocrite

You’re frustrated she gained weight… but you’re rocking a beer gut and sleep apnea yourself. If this is you, stop.

You cannot demand a trophy wife if you aren’t bringing home a trophy husband. If the roles were reversed, she would be reading advice on how you were obese and refusing to lose weight, likely worrying about your health while you worry about her aesthetics.

Camp B: The Metabolic Mismatch

This is the trickier one. You are fit (or at least average). You haven’t changed much since the wedding.

You go to the gym, you eat decent, and you stayed the same size. She, on the other hand, adopted the same lifestyle as you, but she gained 20 pounds.

You’re thinking: “We eat the same dinner! Why is she gaining?”

Here is the hard truth: Fairness does not exist in biology.

If you are a 180lb man and she is a 140lb woman, and you both eat a 2,000-calorie diet, you might maintain your weight while she steadily gains.

She is mirroring your habits, but she doesn’t have your muscle mass, your testosterone, or your metabolism. She isn’t “letting herself go”—she is trying to live your lifestyle in a body that requires different fuel.

Why She Gained (And You Didn’t)

Beyond the calorie math, there are unseen forces attacking her waistline that might not be touching yours.

1. The Stress Factor

Women often carry the “mental load” of the household (planning, scheduling, worrying). Chronic stress releases cortisol. Cortisol is a hormone that specifically packs fat around the midsection as a survival mechanism.

You might handle stress by going for a run; she might handle it by chemically holding onto fat. If she is relying on cortisol triggering foods to get through the day—like caffeine and sugar—she is stuck in a cycle that makes weight loss nearly impossible, even if she eats salads for lunch.

2. The Age Factor

Hormonal shifts hit women hard. Whether it’s post-pregnancy changes or perimenopause, her body is fighting battles yours isn’t. Her baseline for “staying thin” moves every few years.

3. The Emotional Void

Be honest: Has the romance died down? Are you basically roommates who pay bills together? When emotional intimacy drops, people seek dopamine elsewhere.

For many, that source is food. When the excitement fades and the routine sets in, it is easy to see why relationships get boring, leading to a lifestyle where snacks replace sex and Netflix replaces conversation.

The Attraction Dilemma

This is the part you feel guilty about. You love her, but you aren’t attracted to her right now.

That doesn’t make you a monster. Men are visual creatures. Biology plays a role.

But here is the hard truth: Attraction is not a fixed state.

You can lose it, and you can get it back.

Often, men confuse “lack of visual stimulation” with “lack of love.” But if you start engaging with her—making her laugh, doing new things together, seeing her confident and happy—the spark often returns, regardless of the scale.

However, if you check out, stop touching her, or start looking at other women, you are creating a cycle of rejection. She will sense it. And guess what? Insecurity is the biggest libido killer for women.

If you are acting distant, she is likely already picking up on the signs. That feeling of rejection is devastating and often leads to depression, which—you guessed it—leads to more weight gain.

How to Handle This Without Being a Jerk

So, you want things to change. How do you approach this without sleeping on the couch for the next six months?

1. Do NOT Use the “F” Word

Never, ever tell her she is “fat.” Never poke her stomach. Never make a “joke” about her second helping.

Shame does not create lasting change. Shame creates secrets (she will just eat in the car) and resentment.

2. The “We” Strategy (Even If You’re Fit)

If you tell her she needs to diet, she hears: “You are not good enough.” If you tell her we need to upgrade our lifestyle, she hears: “My husband wants a better future with me.”

Even if you don’t need to lose weight, you can still clean up your diet to support her. “I’ve been feeling sluggish lately and I want to eat cleaner at home. Can we start cooking healthier dinners together?”

This is the core principle of weight loss as a couple. When you approach health as a team sport rather than a solo critique, you become partners rather than adversaries.

3. Stop the Sabotage

If you are the “fit husband” who can eat a whole pizza and not gain an ounce, good for you. But do not bring that pizza into the house if she is struggling.

You cannot ask her to lose weight and then stock the pantry with Oreos “for yourself.” That is torture. Create an environment where success is the default option for her.

4. Check for Anxiety

Is she eating because she’s anxious? Many women carry the emotional burden of the relationship. If she is constantly worried about the marriage, the kids, or work, she is in a state of high alert.

Addressing the root cause—her mental health—will do more for her waistline than any diet plan.

When to Shut Up and Accept It

There is a scenario where you just need to adjust your expectations.

If she has had three kids. If she is going through menopause. If she is dealing with a health condition.

Her body has done battle. It has changed because life changed it.

If she is healthy, happy, and active, but just… bigger? You might need to do the work on your mindset. Why does her size matter so much to you? Is it peer pressure? Is it porn-induced expectations?

Sometimes the most masculine thing you can do is to accept weight gain—both yours and hers—as a natural part of a long life lived together. It’s about body neutrality: loving the person for who they are, not the size of their jeans.

Conclusion

“My wife got fat.”

Okay. She did. Now, what kind of man are you going to be about it?

Are you going to be the guy who sulks, makes snide comments, and watches his marriage crumble because his wife isn’t a size 2 anymore? Or are you going to be the guy who steps up, creates a healthier environment for the whole family, and loves his wife enough to help her feel her best?

The weight might come off. It might not. But your marriage has to last either way.

Stop searching for validation from strangers on the internet and go ask your wife if she wants to go for a walk.

FAQs

How do I tell my wife she needs to lose weight?

You don’t. You tell her you want to get healthy together. You focus on activities and feelings (“I want us to have more energy”) rather than aesthetics (“I want you to be thinner”). Direct criticism almost always backfires.

Why is she gaining weight if we eat the same things?

Because she is likely smaller than you and has less muscle mass. Her caloric needs are lower. If she eats your portion sizes, she is in a calorie surplus. It feels unfair, but it’s biology.

Is it shallow to lose attraction because of weight gain?

It’s not “shallow” to have visual preferences; it’s human. But it is shallow to let that one factor dismantle your love and respect for her. Attraction ebbs and flows. Focus on rebuilding emotional intimacy, and physical attraction often follows.

Can I eat junk food if I’m not gaining weight?

Technically yes, but if you do it in front of her while wanting her to lose weight, you are sabotaging her. If you want her to succeed, you need to be an ally, which means keeping the house clear of triggers.

What if she refuses to change?

Then you have a choice. You can love her as she is, or you can be miserable. But remember: You can’t control her body. You can only control your reaction, your own health, and the environment you create in your home.

You put on that dress he used to love. You walk into the living room, waiting for his eyes to light up, for that familiar smirk that says he notices you.

Instead, he barely looks up from his phone. “Nice,” he mumbles, before scrolling again.

The silence that follows is deafening.

It starts as a whisper in the back of your mind, a nagging insecurity that creeps in when he turns his back to you in bed or pulls away from a hug too quickly.

You start asking yourself the painful question: Are these signs my husband is not attracted to me?

It is a gut-wrenching place to be. Whether you are newlyweds navigating the end of the honeymoon phase or have been married for decades, feeling unwanted by the person who promised to love you forever cuts deep.

You might blame yourself. You might look in the mirror and pick apart every flaw, wondering if your recent changes are the cause. But attraction is complex. It isn’t just about physical appearance; it is a cocktail of emotional connection, stress levels, and relationship health.

Before you spiral into panic, let’s look at the reality of the situation. Identifying the signs is the first step to fixing the disconnect or accepting that it’s time to have a hard conversation.

Key Takeaways

• Silence speaks volumes: If he has stopped complimenting you or noticing changes in your appearance, it is a red flag.
• Intimacy is more than sex: A lack of non-sexual touch (holding hands, cuddling) often precedes a lack of sexual intimacy.
• It might not be you: Stress, health issues, and low testosterone can kill a man’s libido, masquerading as a loss of attraction.
• Emotional distance matters: If he stops sharing his world with you, the physical disconnect is usually a symptom of an emotional one.
• You can reignite it: Attraction can ebb and flow; honest communication and shared effort can often bring the spark back.

Relationships naturally evolve. You cannot expect the dopamine-fueled obsession of the first three months to last twenty years.

However, there is a difference between “comfortable” and “cold.”

When you search for signs that he is not attracted, you are usually looking for validation of a gut feeling. You feel a shift in the energy.

Maybe you have recently gone through body changes. Perhaps you (or him, or both of you!) gained weight, which is incredibly common as couples get comfortable. Or maybe life has just gotten in the way.

But when that comfort turns into neglect, it is time to pay attention.

1. The “Roommate” Syndrome

One of the clearest signs your partner is not attracted to you is when the romance dissolves into logistics.

Do your conversations revolve exclusively around:

• Whose turn it is to walk the dog?
• What time the kids need to be picked up?
• What bills need to be paid?

If he engages with you as a business partner rather than a romantic partner, the attraction has likely taken a backseat. He sees you as capable and reliable, but not necessarily as desirable.

This is often why relationships get boring. The spark isn’t dead; it is just buried under a mountain of chores and routine.

2. He Stops Looking at You

Eye contact is one of the most primal forms of intimacy.

When a man is attracted to his wife, he looks at her. He catches her eye across the room. He looks at her face when she is talking.

If he is constantly looking past you, at the TV, or at his phone, he is disengaging.

It can make you feel invisible.

3. Physical Intimacy Becomes a Chore

This is the most painful sign.

Sex isn’t everything, but it is a barometer for the relationship.

If he:

• Rejects your advances constantly with excuses (“I’m tired,” “I have a headache”).
• Treats sex like a quick item on a to-do list rather than a connection.
• Stops initiating entirely.

These are major red flags.

However, pause before you blame your body.

Men’s libidos are heavily influenced by their own physical and mental health. If he has let himself go and refuses to lose weight or get fit, he might be dealing with low energy or self-esteem issues.

If he feels bad about himself, he likely won’t feel like being intimate with you.

Signs Your Husband Isn’t in Love With You

There is a terrifying distinction between a husband who isn’t horny and a husband who isn’t in love.

Attraction creates the spark; love keeps the fire burning. If the love is fading, the signs are more emotional than physical.

4. He is Irritable and Critical

Does he snap at you for small things?

• “You chew too loud.”
• “Why are you wearing that?”
• “You’re overreacting.”

When we lose affection for someone, their quirks (which we used to find cute) become annoying. This creates a state of constant, low-level hostility.

5. He Spends Less Time With You

If he is finding reasons to stay late at work, go to the gym for three hours, or spend every weekend with his friends, he is avoiding the intimacy of home.

He is creating a separate life where he doesn’t have to confront the lack of connection between you.

6. He Doesn’t Get Jealous Anymore

A little jealousy is healthy; it shows he values you and doesn’t want to lose you. If you talk about a guy hitting on you, or you go out looking fantastic, and he has zero reaction, it signals indifference. Indifference is the opposite of love.

7. He Avoids “Future Talk”

When you are attracted to someone and in love, you naturally visualize a future with them.

If he changes the subject when you talk about next year’s vacation, buying a house, or even plans for next month, he might be subconsciously (or consciously) checking out.

8. The Compliments Have Vanished

Think back. When was the last time he said, “You look beautiful”?

If you have put in the effort, say you lost weight recently or dressed up for a date, and he didn’t say a word, it stings.

Silence is a form of rejection.

It creates a vicious cycle. You feel unattractive, so you stop trying. You stop trying, so the spark fades further.

9. He Doesn’t Touch You Casually

Intimacy isn’t just what happens in the bedroom. It is the brush of a hand in the kitchen. It is sitting close on the sofa. It is a hug that lasts longer than two seconds.

These “micro-touches” release oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

If he physically recoils when you touch him, or if he creates a “no-fly zone” on his side of the bed, his body is communicating what his words won’t.

Is It Him or Is It Anxiety?

Before you pack your bags, you need to do a reality check.

Are these signs my husband is not attracted to me, or are they signs of my own insecurity?

If you struggle with self-worth, you might be projecting rejection where there is none. You might interpret his tiredness as disinterest. You might interpret his stress as distance.

10. He Doesn’t Ask About Your Day

Attraction is also intellectual. It is being fascinated by the other person.

If he has stopped asking questions, stopped listening to your stories, or zones out when you speak, he has lost that fascination.

He is no longer curious about you.

11. He Compares You to Others

This is a brutal blow to self-esteem. If he makes comments about other women—actresses, friends, or strangers—and compares you unfavorably (“Why don’t you dress like her?”, “She’s in great shape”), it is a direct attack on your desirability.

This isn’t constructive criticism; it is emotional cruelty.

12. You Feel It in Your Gut

Women have powerful intuition. You know when the vibe has shifted. You know the difference between a tired husband and a checked-out husband.

Don’t gaslight yourself. If you feel like something is wrong, it usually is.

What to Do When the Attraction Fades

Okay, you have identified the signs. Now what?

Do you panic? Do you leave? Do you starve yourself to get his attention?

No. You take action from a place of power, not desperation.

Step 1: Look at Yourself First

This isn’t about blaming yourself. It is about focusing on what you can control. Have you stopped trying? Have you let the “roommate” dynamic take over?

Sometimes, reclaiming your own confidence is the sexiest thing you can do. Focus on your health. If you have been stressed about body changes, either work on getting back into shape or just find peace in your skin. Confidence is magnetic.

Step 2: Communicate Without Accusation

If you say, “You never touch me anymore,” he will get defensive. Try vulnerability instead.

“I’ve been feeling a little distant from you lately, and I miss the way we used to connect. I want us to feel that spark again.”

This invites him to be part of the solution rather than the villain of the story.

Step 3: Reignite Shared Activities

Attraction thrives on novelty. If you are bored, he is likely bored too. Get out of the house. Do something physical.

Research shows that couples who sweat together stay together. Whether it is hiking, dancing, or starting a couple weight loss journey, shared dopamine creates shared attraction.

Step 4: Check for External Stressors

Is he stressed at work? Is he grieving? Is he dealing with a midlife crisis? Sometimes, a man pulls away because he is drowning, not because he doesn’t love you. If he is overwhelmed, his libido is the first thing to shut down.

Approach him with empathy. “You seem really stressed lately. How can I support you?” Sometimes, simply feeling understood is enough to lower his cortisol and bring his desire back online.

Step 5: Prioritize Non-Sexual Touch

If the bedroom is a source of pressure, take sex off the table for a week. Focus entirely on re-establishing non-sexual touch.

• Hold hands while walking.
• Cuddle while watching a movie.
• Hug for 20 seconds when he gets home.

This rebuilds the safety and connection without the performance anxiety of sex.

When to Seek Help

If you have communicated, tried to reconnect, and worked on yourself, but the coldness remains, you are facing a deeper issue.

You cannot make someone want you.

If he refuses to acknowledge the problem or refuses to go to therapy, you have to ask yourself how long you can live in a loveless, touchless marriage.

You deserve to be looked at with desire. You deserve to be touched with love.

Conclusion

Realizing there are signs your husband is not attracted to you is a heartbreaking moment, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

Relationships go through seasons. Winter does not mean the tree is dead; it just means it is dormant.

By identifying the root cause, whether it is boredom, stress, or genuine drift, you can decide your next move.

Focus on your own vitality. Fill your own cup. And invite him to meet you there.

If he loves you, he will make the journey back to you.

FAQs

Can a husband love you but not be attracted to you?

Yes. Over time, romantic love can shift into “companionate love,” which is deep and caring but lacks sexual charge. This is common in long-term marriages. However, for a relationship to remain romantic, effort must be made to reignite the physical spark.

Is lack of attraction grounds for divorce?

For many people, yes. A sexless, passionless marriage can lead to resentment, infidelity, and low self-esteem. However, before jumping to divorce, most experts recommend couples therapy to see if the attraction is truly dead or just dormant due to unresolved conflict.

What causes a man to lose attraction to his wife?

It is rarely just one thing. Common causes include chronic stress, unresolved resentment, lack of novelty (boredom), poor hygiene or health, and treating each other like parents rather than partners. It is also important to rule out medical issues like low testosterone.

Does he not love me or is he just stressed?

Stress releases cortisol, which suppresses libido. If he is distant but still shows care in other ways (making coffee, fixing things, asking if you’re okay), it is likely stress. If he is distant and cruel or indifferent, it is likely a lack of love.

References

1. Fisher, H. E. (2004). Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Henry Holt and Company.
2. Perel, E. (2006). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. Harper.
3. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown.
4. Impett, E. A., et al. (2008). Gordon, A. M., & Kogan, A. Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Something looks different. Softer. Rounder.

Maybe you try to pull on your favorite pair of jeans—the ones that fit perfectly six months ago—and realize they won’t button without a fight.

The panic sets in. It’s a heavy feeling, literally and figuratively.

In a relationship, and in life generally, we are often told that happiness looks a certain way. Usually, that “way” is thin.

But here is the truth: Bodies are dynamic, living things. They are not statues meant to stay frozen in time.

Learning how to accept weight gain isn’t about giving up on your health or pretending you don’t care. It’s about making peace with the vessel that carries you through life, regardless of the size on the tag.

Key Takeaways

• Your worth is not your weight: The number on the scale does not dictate your value as a partner, friend, or human being.
• Fluctuation is normal: Bodies change daily due to hydration, hormones, and digestion; looking different day-to-day is biological, not a failure.
• Comfort matters: Squeezing into clothes that are too small only serves to make you feel bad—buy the size that fits your body now.
• Hormones drive hunger: Intense cravings, like binge eating during pregnancy, are often biological imperatives rather than failures of willpower.
• Neutrality is the goal: You don’t have to love every inch of yourself every day; aiming for body neutrality is a healthier, more realistic step.

The Panic of the Tight Waistband

We have all been there.

You have an event coming up, or maybe you just want to feel cute for a date night. You reach for your “reliable” outfit, only to find it is suddenly an enemy.

The zipper struggles. The fabric pulls.

In that moment, it is easy to spiral. You might feel a wave of shame, followed quickly by a resolve to fix it immediately.

I’ll start a juice cleanse tomorrow. No more carbs. Ever. I need to run five miles right now.

This reactive panic is exhausting. It treats your body like a problem to be solved rather than a home to be lived in.

If you are in a relationship, you might worry that your partner sees you differently. That the spark will fade because your waistline expanded.

But relationship anxiety often lies to us. It tells us that love is conditional, based on a static image of who we were when we first met.

However, research into what guys like in a girl consistently shows that authenticity and confidence rank far higher than a specific dress size.

Accepting weight gain starts with halting that spiral. It starts with taking a deep breath and acknowledging that your body has changed, and that is okay.

Why Do I Look Fatter Some Days?

One of the biggest hurdles to accepting your body is the confusion.

You look in the mirror on Tuesday and feel great. You look in the mirror on Wednesday and swear you’ve gained ten pounds overnight.

It can feel like gaslighting by your own reflection. But there is actually a logical, biological explanation for this shapeshifting act, and understanding it is the first step toward acceptance.

1. Water Retention

Your body is roughly 60% water. If you ate a salty meal last night (hello, sushi or pizza date), your body is holding onto extra water to maintain balance.

This isn’t fat; it’s hydration physics.

2. Digestion

If you have eaten recently, your stomach will be larger. That is simply the space the food takes up while your body processes it.

We often mistake a “flat” stomach for a “fit” stomach, when in reality, a flat stomach is often just an empty one.

3. The Menstrual Cycle

For women, the menstrual cycle is a major player. In the week leading up to your period, progesterone levels spike, leading to water retention and bloating.

You aren’t “getting fat”—you are just hormonal.

4. Stress and Cortisol

When you are stressed, whether it’s work deadlines or relationship conflict, your body produces cortisol.

High cortisol levels can lead to bloating and, over time, actual weight gain around the midsection. But in the short term, it often manifests as a “puffy” feeling.

When you realize that “looking fatter” is often just a temporary state of digestion or hydration, it becomes easier to detach your self-worth from your reflection.

Life Seasons and Hormonal Shifts

We often expect our bodies to operate like machines—steady, consistent, and unchanged.

But we go through seasons. We enter healthy relationships (hello, happy weight). We change jobs. We age. And for many, we go through the massive biological shift of pregnancy.

This is where the concept of control often clashes with biology.

Binge Eating During Pregnancy

There is a specific, intense type of guilt that comes with weight gain during pregnancy.

Society tells pregnant women to “eat for two,” but in the same breath, warns them about “bouncing back” before the baby is even born.

It is a confusing, contradictory mess.

Many women experience binge eating during pregnancy and feel an immense amount of shame attached to it.

You might find yourself standing in the kitchen at 2 AM, devouring a bowl of cereal or a jar of pickles, feeling a mix of insatiable hunger and deep regret.

Is it bingeing or biological need? It is vital to reframe this.

During pregnancy, your body is doing the most energy-intensive work possible: building a human being from scratch.

Your caloric needs increase. Your hormones go haywire.

Sometimes, what feels like a “binge”—eating rapidly, eating large amounts—is actually your body screaming for nutrients it is lacking. The urge to eat high-energy foods (carbs, fats) is a survival mechanism, not a character flaw.

However, the emotional toll can be heavy. You might worry you are gaining “too much” or harming your body.

How to handle the shame:

• Release the judgment: You are not weak. You are creating life.
• Focus on nourishment: If you are hungry, eat. Try to pair your cravings with protein or fiber to keep your blood sugar stable, but do not restrict.
• Talk to your doctor: If you feel your eating is out of control or driven purely by emotion rather than hunger, bring it up with your healthcare provider. But often, they will reassure you that your weight gain is right on track.

Pregnancy is the ultimate lesson in surrender. You have to surrender control of your body to the process of creation.

Even if you aren’t pregnant, the lesson remains: sometimes your body demands more fuel because it is going through a season of stress, healing, or growth. Accepting that need is an act of self-love.

Strategies to Accept the New You

Okay, so we know why it happens. We know about the hormones, the happy weight, and the biology.

But how do we actually look in the mirror and not hate what we see?

Here are actionable strategies to help you navigate this new chapter.

1. The Closet Clean-Out

Nothing triggers body shame faster than clothes that don’t fit.

Opening your closet and seeing a row of jeans that you can’t button is a daily reminder of “failure.”

Stop doing that to yourself.

Take the clothes that don’t fit and put them in a box. Put that box in the attic, the basement, or donate it. Get them out of your sight.

Then, go shopping.

Buy clothes that fit your body right now.

When you wear clothes that actually fit, you look better. You feel comfortable. You aren’t constantly tugging at your waistband or sucking in your stomach.

You deserve to be comfortable in your clothes today, not just in some hypothetical future where you’ve lost ten pounds.

2. Practice “Body Neutrality”

Body positivity—the idea that you should love every inch of yourself and think your cellulite is beautiful—can feel like a high bar to clear.

If you are struggling to accept weight gain, trying to force yourself to shout “I’m a goddess!” might feel fake.

Enter body neutrality.

Body neutrality is the idea that your body is not an object of art to be critiqued, but a vehicle for living.

Instead of focusing on how it looks, focus on what it does:

• My legs are strong enough to walk me to work.
• My arms can hug my partner.
• My stomach digests the food that gives me energy.

You don’t have to love how it looks. You just have to respect what it does.

Shift your focus from aesthetic to function.

3. Change Your Inner Monologue

Notice how you talk to yourself.

Would you ever say the things you say to yourself to your best friend?

• “Ugh, you look disgusting.”
• “You have no self-control.”
• “You’ve let yourself go.”

If you said that to a friend, you wouldn’t have any friends left.

Be a friend to yourself. When the negative thoughts creep in, interrupt them.

Replace “I look fat” with “My body has changed, and I am still worthy of love.”

Replace “I shouldn’t have eaten that” with “I enjoyed that meal, and now I will move on.”

4. Curate Your Feed

Social media is a highlight reel.

You scroll through Instagram and see influencers with flat tummies, toned arms, and perfect lighting.

What you don’t see is the posing. You don’t see the 50 photos they took to get that one angle. You don’t see the hunger they might be feeling or the apps they used to smooth their skin.

Comparing your raw, unedited reality to someone else’s curated content is a recipe for misery.

If following certain accounts makes you feel bad about your body, unfollow them.

Protect your peace. Curate a feed that shows diverse body types, realistic lifestyles, and people who talk about more than just their gym routine.

5. Talk to Your Partner

If you are in a relationship, your weight gain doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

You might be projecting your own insecurities onto your partner. You might assume they are judging you, when in reality, they just want to know what to watch on Netflix.

According to relationship experts, “Vulnerability is just freely expressing your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.”

Be vulnerable. Tell them you are struggling with your body image.

Nine times out of ten, they will reassure you that they love you, not your dress size. And hearing that validation can help quiet the inner critic.

Handling Comments from Others

Sometimes, the hardest part of weight gain isn’t your own opinion, but the opinions of others.

Family members, specifically, can be brutal.

“You’ve filled out a bit, haven’t you?” “Are you sure you want seconds?”

These comments can sting, but you have options.

It is crucial to know your rights in relationships. You have the right to set boundaries regarding what people can say to you, even if they are family.

You are allowed to tell people that your body is not a topic of conversation.

• “I’m not discussing my weight right now.”
• “I’m focusing on how I feel, not how I look.”
• “Please don’t comment on my food.”

It might feel awkward at first, but protecting your mental space is worth it.

Conclusion

Accepting weight gain is not a destination; it’s a practice.

Some days will be harder than others. Some days you will catch your reflection and feel that pang of insecurity.

That is normal.

But remember this: You are the main character of your life, not the mannequin in the window.

Your impact on the world is measured by your kindness, your ideas, your love, and your actions. It is not measured in inches or pounds.

Your body will change. It will grow, it will shrink, it will age.

Learning to ride those waves with compassion is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

FAQs

How do I stop obsessing over my weight gain?

Stop checking. Put the scale away. Delete the calorie tracking apps. The more you measure, the more you obsess. Focus on how your body feels and what it can do rather than the number.

Is it normal to grieve my old body?

Yes. It is completely normal to miss the way you used to look. Allow yourself to feel that sadness, but try not to get stuck there. Acknowledge the grief, then remind yourself of what your current body allows you to do.

How do I feel confident in bed after weight gain?

Focus on sensation rather than visual appearance. Connection and pleasure are about feeling, not looking. Communicating with your partner about your insecurities can also help take the pressure off.

Will I ever lose the weight?

Maybe. Maybe not. The goal of acceptance isn’t to give up on change, but to stop waiting for change to be happy. You can pursue health goals, but don’t pause your happiness until you reach them.

References

1. Manson, M. (2016). The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.
2. Tylka, T. L., & Wood-Barcalow, N. L. (2015). What is and what is not being positive about the body: Conceptualization and measurement of body appreciation. Body Image.
3. Bacon, L., & Aphramor, L. (2011). Weight science: evaluating the evidence for a paradigm shift. Nutrition Journal.
4. Tribole, E., & Resch, E. (2012). Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program that Works. St. Martin’s Griffin.

Have you and your partner exhausted all your usual conversation topics and begun just existing in the same space? 

Well, you’re not alone.

Jessica, a 36-year-old human resource executive from Boston, found herself in a five-year relationship that had slowly faded from passionate conversations to silent scrolling sessions. What she discovered next transformed not just her evenings but her entire relationship.

If you’ve been looking for fun questions to ask your partner that will rekindle the magic, it’s time to step into a world of possibility.

Why Asking Fun Questions Strengthens Your Relationship

“I thought we’d just become boring people,” Jessica confessed to her best friend Kate over the phone. “But actually, we’d just stopped being curious.”

Actively asking questions does more than just fill silence—it triggers emotional intimacy by showing your partner that you still find them interesting and want to understand their inner world. 

But not all questions are created equal. Jessica learned that asking “How was your day?” typically leads to one-word answers, while “What made you laugh today?” opens doors to stories you might otherwise miss. 

Ready to never run out of conversation again? 

Fun Questions to Ask in a New Relationship

Jessica remembers the butterflies she felt three months into dating James, a 39-year-old high school teacher from Long Island. The delicious period when you’re past awkward first-date territory but still discovering each other’s worlds is when questions matter most.

“I was still in that phase where I wanted to seem cool and unflappable,” Jessica recalled. “But I realized that asking real questions—and answering them honestly—was what would determine if we actually had something real.”

• What's your absolute favorite way to spend a Saturday with no obligations? What's your absolute favorite way to spend a Saturday with no obligations?
• If you could instantly master any skill, what would you choose? If you could instantly master any skill, what would you choose?
• What TV show character do you think you're most similar to and why? What TV show character do you think you're most similar to and why?
• What's something small that makes you disproportionately happy? What's something small that makes you disproportionately happy?
• What's the weirdest food combination you secretly love? What's the weirdest food combination you secretly love?
• What childhood dream have you never completely abandoned? What childhood dream have you never completely abandoned?
• What's your most unpopular opinion about something trivial? What's your most unpopular opinion about something trivial?
• Which three people, living or dead, would you invite to your dream dinner party? Which three people, living or dead, would you invite to your dream dinner party?
• What's something you're terrible at but enjoy doing anyway? What's something you're terrible at but enjoy doing anyway?
• If you could teleport anywhere for just one day, where would you go? If you could teleport anywhere for just one day, where would you go?

Jessica found out that James had a secret dream of opening a beachside taco stand—something he’d never mentioned in their first dozen dates. 

This seemingly small detail later became their five-year plan after they realized they both wanted to escape corporate life. Who knew a “silly question” could shape your entire future? 

Lighthearted and Fun Questions

After six months together, Jessica noticed their conversations had fallen into the familiar rut of work complaints and family updates. That’s when she introduced question nights where Netflix was banned and curiosity ruled.

“I thought James might find it cheesy,” Jessica admitted. “But he actually loved having permission to ask things that might seem random during normal conversation.”

Everyday Life and Personal Preferences

• If your life had a soundtrack, what three songs would definitely be on it? If your life had a soundtrack, what three songs would definitely be on it?
• What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever purchased? What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever purchased?
• If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would you pick? If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
• What's your weird flex—something unusual you're secretly proud of? What's your weird flex—something unusual you're secretly proud of?
• Which of your habits do you think is the quirkiest? Which of your habits do you think is the quirkiest?
• If you were a drink, what would you be and why? If you were a drink, what would you be and why?

Hypothetical and Imaginative Scenarios

• If we switched bodies for a day, what would be your survival tips for being you? If we switched bodies for a day, what would be your survival tips for being you?
• If money wasn't an issue, what completely impractical vehicle would you own? If money wasn't an issue, what completely impractical vehicle would you own?
• If our relationship was a movie, what genre would it be and who would play us? If our relationship was a movie, what genre would it be and who would play us?
• If you could instantly change one thing about our home without any cost, what would it be? If you could instantly change one thing about our home without any cost, what would it be?
• If we started a business together, what would it be? If we started a business together, what would it be?

Funny and Random Questions

• What's the most embarrassing text you've ever sent to the wrong person? What's the most embarrassing text you've ever sent to the wrong person?
• If our dog/cat could suddenly talk, what accent do you think they'd have? If our dog/cat could suddenly talk, what accent do you think they'd have?
• What's your best 'wrong number' story? What's your best 'wrong number' story?
• What's the weirdest dream you've ever had about me? What's the weirdest dream you've ever had about me?
• If you were a ghost, how would you haunt people? If you were a ghost, how would you haunt people?
• What's the strangest thing you've ever Googled? What's the strangest thing you've ever Googled?

“I learned that James used to haunt his siblings as a ghost by rearranging their furniture every night,” Jessica laughed. “It told me so much about his particular brand of evil genius.” Their silly question sessions soon became the highlight of otherwise mundane weeknights. 

But while looking forward was fun, Jessica discovered something even more powerful in looking back.

Fun Questions About Your Partner’s Past

Two years into their relationship, Jessica and James hit a rough patch. Work stress, family drama, and the daily grind had created distance. That’s when Jessica realized they needed to reconnect with what had drawn them together in the first place.

“Sometimes you need to remember who this person was before they became half of your ‘we,’ ” Jessica reflected.

Sharing Past Experiences and Cherished Memories

• What's a perfect day from your past that you wish you could relive just once? What's a perfect day from your past that you wish you could relive just once?
• What's something you were obsessed with as a teenager that makes you cringe now? What's something you were obsessed with as a teenager that makes you cringe now?
• What's the best piece of advice someone gave you that you actually followed? What's the best piece of advice someone gave you that you actually followed?
• What's a small moment of kindness from a stranger that you've never forgotten? What's a small moment of kindness from a stranger that you've never forgotten?
• What's the most daring thing you did before we met? What's the most daring thing you did before we met?

Childhood and Family Life

• What family tradition from your childhood would you want to continue or avoid? What family tradition from your childhood would you want to continue or avoid?
• Who was your childhood hero and why? Who was your childhood hero and why?
• What's the most trouble you ever got into as a kid? What's the most trouble you ever got into as a kid?
• What's your earliest memory? What's your earliest memory?
• What family meal makes you most nostalgic? What family meal makes you most nostalgic?

First Impressions and Early Relationship Moments

• What was your honest first impression of me? What was your honest first impression of me?
• What moment made you realize we weren't just casually dating anymore? What moment made you realize we weren't just casually dating anymore?
• What's something I did early in our relationship that stood out to you? What's something I did early in our relationship that stood out to you?
• What quality did you first notice in me that you still appreciate today? What quality did you first notice in me that you still appreciate today?
• What was going through your mind before our first kiss? What was going through your mind before our first kiss?

Lessons Learned from the Past

• What past mistake taught you the most valuable lesson? What past mistake taught you the most valuable lesson?
• What's something you wish you could tell your younger self? What's something you wish you could tell your younger self?
• What past relationship taught you something important about yourself? What past relationship taught you something important about yourself?
• What's the hardest thing you've overcome, and how did it change you? What's the hardest thing you've overcome, and how did it change you?
• What old belief have you completely changed your mind about? What old belief have you completely changed your mind about?

Sharing personal history creates vulnerability, which is important for deep connection. When partners reveal their past experiences, they’re offering a map to understanding their present behaviors.

For Jessica and James, these conversations unearthed surprising connections—both had been the “new kid” multiple times growing up, which explained their shared adaptability and initial caution in new situations. 

With this renewed connection, Jessica decided it was time to explore an even more intimate territory.

Fun Intimate Questions to Ask Your Partner

By year three, Jessica and James had developed a comfortable routine—maybe too comfortable. “We thought we knew everything about each other,” Jessica remembered. “But there were still these deeper chambers we hadn’t explored.”

She started asking questions that went beyond the surface. “It felt a little scary,” she admitted. “But the intimacy that followed was like nothing we’d experienced before.”

• What's something you've always wanted to try in bed but haven't mentioned yet? What's something you've always wanted to try in bed but haven't mentioned yet?
• When do you feel most connected to me outside of physical intimacy? When do you feel most connected to me outside of physical intimacy?
• What's your favorite non-sexual form of touch? What's your favorite non-sexual form of touch?
• What's something I do that makes you feel especially desired? What's something I do that makes you feel especially desired?
• How do your emotional needs change when you're stressed versus when you're happy? How do your emotional needs change when you're stressed versus when you're happy?
• What's a fantasy you have that doesn't necessarily need to become reality? What's a fantasy you have that doesn't necessarily need to become reality?
• What makes you feel most vulnerable with me? What makes you feel most vulnerable with me?
• When have you felt most emotionally connected during intimacy? When have you felt most emotionally connected during intimacy?
• What forms of affection do you wish we shared more often? What forms of affection do you wish we shared more often?
• What's something you've been afraid to ask for in our relationship? What's something you've been afraid to ask for in our relationship?

For Jessica and James, these conversations revealed misunderstandings they’d never articulated. 

Jessica discovered James felt most loved through verbal affirmation, while she’d been expressing love through acts of service he hadn’t fully recognized. This awareness transformed their connection overnight. With this new depth established, they began dreaming about their shared future.

Fun Future-Oriented Questions

When Jessica and James began to ask, ‘Where is this going?’ Jessica turned it into an adventure of possibility.

Instead of asking ‘Do you want kids?’ like an interrogation, they asked each other about their dream family vacation. Suddenly they were talking about their future, but without all the pressure.

Dream Travel Destinations and Adventures

• If we could spend three months living anywhere in the world, where would you choose? If we could spend three months living anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
• What's the most adventurous trip you can imagine us taking together? What's the most adventurous trip you can imagine us taking together?
• What's a place you've never been that you think would change you somehow? What's a place you've never been that you think would change you somehow?
• What's a travel experience you'd like us to have before we're too old to fully enjoy it? What's a travel experience you'd like us to have before we're too old to fully enjoy it?
• If we could take a road trip in any vehicle through any landscape, what's your dream scenario? If we could take a road trip in any vehicle through any landscape, what's your dream scenario?

Future Goals and Bucket List Items

• What's something you want to accomplish in the next five years that would make you really proud? What's something you want to accomplish in the next five years that would make you really proud?
• What skill or hobby could we learn together? What skill or hobby could we learn together?
• What's a cause or community service you'd like us to be involved with someday? What's a cause or community service you'd like us to be involved with someday?
• What creative project would you love for us to collaborate on? What creative project would you love for us to collaborate on?
• What's a physical challenge or achievement you'd like to work toward? What's a physical challenge or achievement you'd like to work toward?

Imagining Life in 10, 20, or 30 Years

• How do you picture our ideal living situation in 10 years? How do you picture our ideal living situation in 10 years?
• What do you think will still make us laugh together when we're old? What do you think will still make us laugh together when we're old?
• What role do you imagine technology playing in our future lifestyle? What role do you imagine technology playing in our future lifestyle?
• How do you hope our relationship will have evolved in 20 years? How do you hope our relationship will have evolved in 20 years?
• What health or wellness practices do you hope we'll maintain as we age? What health or wellness practices do you hope we'll maintain as we age?

Creating shared meaning is the cornerstone of successful long-term relationships. When couples discuss their visions of the future together, they’re actually building a shared identity that strengthens their bond.

For Jessica and James, these conversations revealed that while their timelines differed, their core values aligned perfectly. 

With their relationship foundation stronger than ever, Jessica wanted to explore questions that would specifically resonate with her as a woman.

Fun Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend or Wife

“Sometimes I need James to understand the specific experience of being a woman in this world,” Jessica explained. “These questions helped him see dimensions of my life he’d never considered before.”

• What female friendship has been most formative in your life? What female friendship has been most formative in your life?
• What's something you wish more men understood about women's experiences? What's something you wish more men understood about women's experiences?
• Which female leader or historical figure do you most admire and why? Which female leader or historical figure do you most admire and why?
• How has your relationship with your body evolved throughout your life? How has your relationship with your body evolved throughout your life?
• What's a gendered expectation you've rejected that's improved your happiness? What's a gendered expectation you've rejected that's improved your happiness?
• What women's health issue do you wish received more attention or research? What women's health issue do you wish received more attention or research?
• What's something about women's friendships that you think men often misunderstand? What's something about women's friendships that you think men often misunderstand?
• What female-centered book or film resonated most deeply with your experience? What female-centered book or film resonated most deeply with your experience?
• What double standard between men and women still frustrates you the most? What double standard between men and women still frustrates you the most?
• What's something about being a woman that brings you particular joy? What's something about being a woman that brings you particular joy?

For James, these questions opened up a whole new understanding of Jessica’s world. “I never realized how different our daily experiences were until we had these conversations,” he shared. “It made me a better partner because I finally understood issues I’d previously dismissed.” 

With Jessica feeling truly seen, it was time to explore James’s perspective too.

Fun Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend or Husband

Five years in, Jessica realized there were aspects of masculinity and James’s experience she’d never fully explored. “Society gives men so few chances to talk about their emotional lives,” Jessica observed. “I wanted to create space for that.”

• How has your definition of what it means to be a man evolved throughout your life? How has your definition of what it means to be a man evolved throughout your life?
• What male friendship has been most important to you and why? What male friendship has been most important to you and why?
• What's a masculine stereotype you've struggled with? What's a masculine stereotype you've struggled with?
• Who taught you the most about how to treat women, for better or worse? Who taught you the most about how to treat women, for better or worse?
• What's something you wish you could tell your younger self about being a man? What's something you wish you could tell your younger self about being a man?
• What's a traditionally masculine skill or interest you've never cared about? What's a traditionally masculine skill or interest you've never cared about?
• When do you feel most confident, and when do you feel most insecure? When do you feel most confident, and when do you feel most insecure?
• What men's health or emotional issue do you wish received more attention? What men's health or emotional issue do you wish received more attention?
• How do you experience society's expectations of men as protectors or providers? How do you experience society's expectations of men as protectors or providers?
• What's something women often misunderstand about men's experiences? What's something women often misunderstand about men's experiences?

James surprised Jessica by revealing how deeply he valued emotional connection in friendships but struggled to initiate vulnerable conversations with male friends.

“I realized I’d been his only emotional outlet,” Jessica explained. “We started hosting poker nights where deeper conversations were subtly encouraged, and it transformed his other relationships too.” 

Now feeling understood in new ways, they turned toward building a future where curiosity remained at the heart of their connection.

Beyond the Questions: Building a Relationship Filled with Laughter and Love

As Jessica and James approached their fifth anniversary, they realized how conversation starters had fortified their relationship.

“The questions evolved as we did,” Jessica reflected. “What started as fun getting-to-know-you questions became tools for going through life’s challenges, celebrating successes, and planning our future.”

Maintaining curiosity prevents partners from believing they know everything about each other. When couples stop asking questions, they stop growing.

For couples wanting to start their own question practice, here’s what Jessica recommends: 

• Begin with lighter questions before moving to deeper ones.
• Listen fully without planning your next response.
• Follow up with “tell me more” rather than immediately sharing your own answer.
• Document memorable responses in a shared journal.
• Revisit favorite questions annually to see how answers evolve.

Curious about other ways to strengthen your relationship beyond questions? Check out our being in a relationship topic page for more insights on communication techniques, conflict resolution strategies, and how to maintain the spark through different relationship stages.

If you liked these questions, here are some other resources you might find interesting:

• How to Keep a Man Interested
• Effective Couples Therapy Exercises to Strengthen Your Relationship
• Love-of-My-Life Quotes
• How to Deal With Relationship Anxiety and Learn to Overcome It
• Find the Perfect I Miss You Text for Him
• Deep Love Messages for Him
• Good Night Messages for Him

FAQ

Sophie, a 38-year-old hotshot lawyer from New York’s Southern District, never thought a question like “What’s your biggest turn-on?” would change her relationship. But it did. Big time.

Most of us are out here trying to make love last on a foundation of “How was your day?” and “Did you remember the milk?” Cute, but boring. The truth is if you want a connection that transcends the “roommates with occasional benefits” territory, you need to get a little bold—and a little spicy.

Why Asking Spicy Questions Can Deepen Your Relationship

Sophie remembers when she couldn’t stop thinking about her 42-year-old Air Force Lieutenant Colonel boyfriend, Wyatt, during those early dating days. Three years later, she found herself scrolling Instagram while he talked about his fantasy football draft. Again.

“We used to talk for hours about everything,” she told her friend Jen over coffee. “Now I know his Chipotle order by heart but can’t remember the last time I learned something new about him.”

Sound familiar? The comfort zone is like quicksand—the more you settle in, the harder it is to pull yourself out. 

Couples often stop asking each other erotically curious questions because they think they already know everything there is to know. This assumption goes against one of the most exciting aspects of relationships—continuing to discover new layers of your partner.

Before diving into these questions, here’s how to set the stage:

• Choose a relaxed setting with minimal distractions.
• Put phones away (yes, completely away).
• Agree that all answers are judgment-free.
• Take turns asking and answering.
• Remember to listen as much as you speak.

Playful and Flirty Questions to Kick Things Off

When Sophie finally decided to shake things up, she started small. “I didn’t exactly lead with ‘what’s your darkest fantasy,’ ” she laughed. “I needed something fun to break the ice.”

Playful questions create a bridge between your regular conversations and more intimate territory. Try these playful starters that land somewhere between “How was work?” and “Which body part do you want to start with?”:

• If we could teleport anywhere right now for a spontaneous date, where would you take me? If we could teleport anywhere right now for a spontaneous date, where would you take me?
• What's one outfit I wear that drives you absolutely wild? What's one outfit I wear that drives you absolutely wild?
• If you had to create a cocktail named after me, what would be in it and why? If you had to create a cocktail named after me, what would be in it and why?
• What's your favorite physical feature of mine that isn't obvious? What's your favorite physical feature of mine that isn't obvious?
• If we had a free pass to break one social rule together, what would you choose? If we had a free pass to break one social rule together, what would you choose?
• What's the most unexpected thing that turns you on about me? What's the most unexpected thing that turns you on about me?
• Which movie scene best represents how you felt when we first met? Which movie scene best represents how you felt when we first met?
• If you could watch me do anything, what would it be? If you could watch me do anything, what would it be?
• What's something you've always wanted to try with me but haven't mentioned yet? What's something you've always wanted to try with me but haven't mentioned yet?
• If we switched bodies for a day, what's the first thing you'd do? If we switched bodies for a day, what's the first thing you'd do?

“The giggling that came from those first few questions broke something open between us,” Sophie recalled. “Suddenly Wyatt was describing this elaborate cocktail called ‘The Sophie’—spicy, sweet, and apparently gets better with age. 

These ice breakers can open you and your partner up to deeper exploration.

Exploring Fantasies and Desires With Your Partner

After their playful question session, Sophie noticed something had shifted. “Wyatt actually texted me the next day saying he couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation.”

Exploring fantasies isn’t just about spicing up your sex life (though that’s a delightful bonus). It’s about vulnerability—showing parts of yourself you normally keep hidden. 

The key is approaching these conversations with openness rather than expectation. You’re exploring, not demanding.

Try these questions to gently open the fantasy door:

• What's a sensation you've always been curious about but haven't experienced yet? What's a sensation you've always been curious about but haven't experienced yet?
• If we could role-play any scenario without judgment, what would you be curious to try? If we could role-play any scenario without judgment, what would you be curious to try?
• What's something I've done that you wish I would do more often? What's something I've done that you wish I would do more often?
• If you could design our perfect intimate evening from start to finish, what would it include? If you could design our perfect intimate evening from start to finish, what would it include?
• What's a fantasy you've had that you've never told anyone about? What's a fantasy you've had that you've never told anyone about?
• Is there something new you'd like us to learn about together? Is there something new you'd like us to learn about together?
• What's something that turned you on in a movie or book that surprised you? What's something that turned you on in a movie or book that surprised you?
• If we had an entire day dedicated just to pleasure, how would you want to spend it? If we had an entire day dedicated just to pleasure, how would you want to spend it?
• What's something you think about when we're apart that makes you crave being together? What's something you think about when we're apart that makes you crave being together?
• Is there a place in our home we haven't fully 'christened' yet that you think about? Is there a place in our home we haven't fully 'christened' yet that you think about?

For Sophie and Wyatt, these questions revealed surprising truths. “I discovered Wyatt had been harboring this fantasy about me taking more control in the bedroom. Meanwhile, he learned I had been dying for him to whisper more in my ear.”

The beauty of fantasy exploration is that you don’t need to act on everything immediately—not until you’re ready to turn up the temperature from warm . . . to sizzling. 

Juicy and Intimate Questions to Ignite Passion

Three weeks after their first question night, Sophie texted Jen: “We’ve had more sex in the past month than the entire year before. Who knew TALKING could be such good foreplay?”

That’s the magic of juicy questions—they create anticipation and awakening. When you’re ready to really fan the flames, try these passion-igniting questions:

• What's a memory of us together that still gives you butterflies when you think about it? What's a memory of us together that still gives you butterflies when you think about it?
• If you could have me anywhere, anytime, with no restrictions, where and when would it be? If you could have me anywhere, anytime, with no restrictions, where and when would it be?
• What's something I've never done to you that you wish I would? What's something I've never done to you that you wish I would?
• When do you find me most irresistible without me even trying? When do you find me most irresistible without me even trying?
• If you could pick one part of my body to be obsessed with tonight, what would it be? If you could pick one part of my body to be obsessed with tonight, what would it be?
• What's the boldest thing you've ever wanted to say to me in bed but haven't? What's the boldest thing you've ever wanted to say to me in bed but haven't?
• If we made a private movie of ourselves, what scene would you want to direct? If we made a private movie of ourselves, what scene would you want to direct?
• What's something that instantly makes you think about being intimate with me? What's something that instantly makes you think about being intimate with me?
• If you could use only three words to tell me what you want right now, what would they be? If you could use only three words to tell me what you want right now, what would they be?
• What's a sensation you want to help me experience that I haven't before? What's a sensation you want to help me experience that I haven't before?

Sophie confessed that these questions changed more than just their physical relationship. “There’s this new awareness between us. Sometimes he’ll just look at me across the room at a friend’s dinner party, and I know he’s thinking about something I shared.”

The intensity building between you might feel electric, but why stop there?

Naughty and Provocative Questions for a Steamy Conversation

“I never thought I’d be the kind of person to have ‘sex homework,’ but here we are,” Sophie laughed during her last coffee date. “Last week Wyatt texted me in the middle of a workday with a question so provocative I had to lock my office door.”

This is where the real adventure begins. These questions aren’t just conversation starters—they’re action items. They create anticipation that can simmer all day before you’re finally alone together.

Try these provocative questions that blur the line between talking and foreplay:

• If I gave you complete control over me for one night, what would you do first? If I gave you complete control over me for one night, what would you do first?
• What's a secret way you've always wanted to touch me but haven't yet? What's a secret way you've always wanted to touch me but haven't yet?
• If we could break one of our normal bedroom 'rules' tonight, which would you choose? If we could break one of our normal bedroom 'rules' tonight, which would you choose?
• What's something you'd like me to whisper in your ear when we're getting intense? What's something you'd like me to whisper in your ear when we're getting intense?
• If I blindfolded you right now, what would you hope I'd do next? If I blindfolded you right now, what would you hope I'd do next?
• What's the closest you've ever come to crossing a line with someone else because you were so turned on? What's the closest you've ever come to crossing a line with someone else because you were so turned on?
• If we made a list of sexual adventures to complete this year, what would be your top three? If we made a list of sexual adventures to complete this year, what would be your top three?
• What's something you think about when you're alone that you've never told me? What's something you think about when you're alone that you've never told me?
• If you could watch me do anything to myself, what would it be? If you could watch me do anything to myself, what would it be?
• What's the most unexpected thing that's ever made you aroused? What's the most unexpected thing that's ever made you aroused?

For Sophie and Wyatt, these questions transformed their weeknight routine. “We started a thing we call ‘The Tuesday Tease.’ It sounds cheesy, but knowing we have this standing date to be completely honest about our desires has made every other day of the week more charged too.”

But where do you go once you’ve asked all the questions? Let’s talk about turning these conversations into lasting chemistry.

From Questions to Chemistry: What’s Next?

Six months after that first question night, Sophie and Wyatt celebrated their four-year anniversary in a private cabin in the woods. “We brought a list of our favorite questions from the past few months, but honestly, we barely needed them anymore. The questions had already done their job—we moved on to . . . other tools.”

That’s the ultimate goal—not just spicier conversations but a fundamentally more curious relationship. The questions themselves are temporary bridges to a place where wondering about each other becomes second nature again.

Here’s how to make sure these spicy sessions create lasting heat:

• Create a “question jar” where you both add new questions whenever inspiration strikes.
• Designate regular time for these conversations—consistency builds anticipation.
• Balance vulnerability by taking turns going first with the more exposing questions.
• Keep a private journal of favorite answers or revelations to revisit.
• Remember that not every question needs to lead to physical intimacy—sometimes the conversation itself is the intimacy.
• Celebrate small victories with positive reinforcement.
• Respect boundaries but don’t be afraid to break down walls.
• Set a “no pressure” rule—any question can be passed without explanation.

“The best part is how these conversations follow us everywhere now,” Sophie told me. “Last week we were grocery shopping and Wyatt whispered a callback to something I’d shared during our last tease night. We had to abandon our cart and head home immediately.”

Ready to transform your relationship from comfortable to combustible? Start with just one question tonight. Your future self (and your very grateful partner) will thank you.

Looking for more ways to deepen your relationship? Check out our Being in a Relationship topic page for expert advice on everything from communication breakthroughs to keeping long-term passion alive. 

And if you enjoyed these spicy questions, you’ll love these too:

• Questions for Couples to Deepen Your Connection
• Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend to Get to Know Him Better
• “Favorite Things” Questions to Really Get to Know Him
• Flirty Things to Say to a Guy Over Text to Make Him Blush
• Touching Love Messages to Make Him Cry
• Send Love Letters to Him: Awaken Your Inner Poet or Simply Copy and Paste
• Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend to Make Him Laugh

FAQ

Meet Melissa, 36, a marketing exec who once thought “deep talk” meant arguing over how Succession ended. Then she realized her three-year relationship had the emotional depth of a TikTok trend—viral for a hot second, then forgotten. 

Sound familiar?

If your idea of intimacy is debating whose turn it is to buy toilet paper, let’s fix that with these deep questions that will help you break through the noise and actually connect.

Childhood: Deep Questions

Melissa hadn’t thought about her childhood in years until her boyfriend, Jake, asked her about her favorite teacher. “Suddenly I was sharing stories about Mrs. Peterson—how she let me read in her classroom during recess. Jake said he’d never seen me light up that way before,” she told her best friend, Stacy, over coffee. 

A person’s childhood shapes who they become, and these questions unlock the stories that made your partner who they are today:

• What's your earliest memory, and why do you think it stuck with you? What's your earliest memory, and why do you think it stuck with you?
• Which childhood rule from your parents do you still follow as an adult? Which childhood rule from your parents do you still follow as an adult?
• What did you want to be when you grew up, and why? What did you want to be when you grew up, and why?
• Who was your childhood hero, and what qualities did you admire in them? Who was your childhood hero, and what qualities did you admire in them?
• What toy or possession was most important to you as a child? What toy or possession was most important to you as a child?
• What's a childhood memory that still makes you laugh? What's a childhood memory that still makes you laugh?
• What's something you were afraid of as a child that you've overcome? What's something you were afraid of as a child that you've overcome?
• What was your favorite hiding spot in your childhood home? What was your favorite hiding spot in your childhood home?
• How did your family celebrate holidays or special occasions? How did your family celebrate holidays or special occasions?
• What's something you were punished for that you still think was unfair? What's something you were punished for that you still think was unfair?

After Melissa opened up about her childhood, Jake understood why library dates meant more to her than fancy restaurants. But childhood conversations are just the beginning—what about love language? That’s where things get really interesting . . .

Love: Deep Questions 

Most people’s idea of love is shaped by ’90s rom-coms or their parents’ 40-year marriage.

For Melissa, love meant grand gestures and tearful airport reunions (thanks, Richard Curtis films). For Jake, it was his dad making his mom coffee every morning without fail. “I realized we were speaking different love languages,” Melissa told me.

Miscommunication often happens when partners express love differently. Identifying and learning your partner’s primary love language is the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship.

Find each other’s love language with these questions:

• How did your parents or caregivers show love to each other and to you? How did your parents or caregivers show love to each other and to you?
• What makes you feel most loved and appreciated? What makes you feel most loved and appreciated?
• What's your definition of romance? What's your definition of romance?
• When was the last time you felt truly seen by me? When was the last time you felt truly seen by me?
• What's something I do that makes you feel loved that I might not realize? What's something I do that makes you feel loved that I might not realize?
• How do you prefer to receive an apology? How do you prefer to receive an apology?
• What parts of love and relationships have surprised you most as you've gotten older? What parts of love and relationships have surprised you most as you've gotten older?
• Is there something you need more or less of from me to feel secure? Is there something you need more or less of from me to feel secure?
• What's your favorite memory of us together? What's your favorite memory of us together?
• When did you first realize you loved me? When did you first realize you loved me?

Understanding how Jake showed love changed everything for Melissa—but love without shared values? That’s like ordering a margarita without tequila.

Values: Deep Questions

Nothing kills a book buzz faster than finding out your partner thinks audiobooks don’t count as reading.

But jokes aside, value alignment on the big stuff? That’s relationship gold.

“I never thought to ask Jake about money,” Melissa confessed. “Six months in, I discovered he was saving aggressively for early retirement while I had a ‘treat yourself’ philosophy that kept my savings account looking like a sad joke.” 

Couples who share core values usually have more stable, satisfying relationships. Get to the heart of what matters with these value-revealing questions:

• What three values would you want to pass down to future generations? What three values would you want to pass down to future generations?
• What's something you would never compromise on, no matter what? What's something you would never compromise on, no matter what?
• How important is religion or spirituality to you? How important is religion or spirituality to you?
• What does financial security mean to you? What does financial security mean to you?
• How do you define success in life? How do you define success in life?
• What role should family play in our relationship? What role should family play in our relationship?
• What social causes are most important to you and why? What social causes are most important to you and why?
• How do you feel about privacy in relationships? How do you feel about privacy in relationships?
• What's something you believe that most people might disagree with? What's something you believe that most people might disagree with?
• What's your definition of a 'good life'? What's your definition of a 'good life'?

Values are the foundation, but where are you two headed together? Goals and direction matter, especially when you’re building a future together.

Goals and Motivations: Deep Questions

Misaligned goals are the relationship equivalent of using different GPS apps with conflicting directions.

Melissa confessed she might want children “someday,” while Jake admitted he was ready to jump into the kiddie pool sooner. “I had assumed we were on the same page,” she said. 

Navigate your future path together with these goal-oriented questions:

• What's something you're working toward that you haven't told many people about? What's something you're working toward that you haven't told many people about?
• Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?
• What's one dream you've had to put on hold? What's one dream you've had to put on hold?
• What motivates you to get out of bed on your worst days? What motivates you to get out of bed on your worst days?
• How important is career growth compared to work-life balance for you? How important is career growth compared to work-life balance for you?
• What's one thing you want to achieve in your lifetime, no matter what? What's one thing you want to achieve in your lifetime, no matter what?
• How do you define 'home'? How do you define 'home'?
• What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?
• What's something you want to learn or master in this lifetime? What's something you want to learn or master in this lifetime?
• How do you feel about having children (or more children)? How do you feel about having children (or more children)?

Goals map where you’re headed, but how’s the vehicle running? Let’s pop the hood on your relationship mechanics and see what’s purring—and what might need some oil . . .

Relationships: Deep Questions

Relationships don’t get a passing grade just because we haven’t thrown each other’s belongings out the window. There’s a difference between surviving and thriving—and these questions help you figure out where you stand:

• What part of our relationship are you most proud of? What part of our relationship are you most proud of?
• What's something about our relationship that could be better? What's something about our relationship that could be better?
• When do you feel most connected to me? When do you feel most connected to me?
• What was your first impression of me, and how has it changed? What was your first impression of me, and how has it changed?
• What's a boundary you need that you haven't clearly expressed? What's a boundary you need that you haven't clearly expressed?
• What do we do better as a couple than most other couples you know? What do we do better as a couple than most other couples you know?
• What's something you've been afraid to tell me? What's something you've been afraid to tell me?
• What's one thing from past relationships you never want to repeat? What's one thing from past relationships you never want to repeat?
• How do you feel about how we handle conflict? How do you feel about how we handle conflict?
• What kind of support do you need from me that you're not currently getting? What kind of support do you need from me that you're not currently getting?

If the foundation’s solid, you can more easily navigate the plot twists that test a relationship’s structure—like that time Jake’s mom moved in “temporarily” for six months and Melissa contemplated witness protection.

Life Events: Deep Questions

Life comes at you fast—sometimes with airbags, sometimes without. The way you navigate major life events together can make or break even the strongest bonds.

When Melissa’s father had a heart attack, she saw a side of Jake she’d never seen before. “He took over everything—called family members, made sure I ate, even packed my suitcase for the hospital stays,” she recalled. “I never asked him about it until months later, and he said his grandmother’s sudden death taught him what people really need in a crisis.”

Understanding how past events influence your partner helps you support each other through challenges. Try these questions:

• What was the hardest thing you've ever gone through, and how did it change you? What was the hardest thing you've ever gone through, and how did it change you?
• Which life transition has been most challenging for you? Which life transition has been most challenging for you?
• What loss have you experienced that still affects you today? What loss have you experienced that still affects you today?
• What's the best phase of life you've experienced so far? What's the best phase of life you've experienced so far?
• How did your family handle crises when you were growing up? How did your family handle crises when you were growing up?
• What life event made you grow up the fastest? What life event made you grow up the fastest?
• What's a celebration or tradition that's particularly meaningful to you? What's a celebration or tradition that's particularly meaningful to you?
• What life experience do you wish we could share together? What life experience do you wish we could share together?
• How do you typically cope with major life changes? How do you typically cope with major life changes?
• If you could relive any day of your life, which would you choose? If you could relive any day of your life, which would you choose?

Major life events shape us, but so do the daily stressors that pile up like dirty dishes in the sink. Speaking of which, let’s talk about the stuff that wears us down.

Stress: Deep Questions 

Nothing reveals someone’s true character faster than watching them handle a dead car battery in the rain while running late for an important meeting. Stress strips away our carefully constructed facades—for better or worse.

Melissa considered herself even-tempered until a work deadline coincided with a plumbing disaster in their apartment. “I completely lost it,” she admitted. “Jake later told me he’d never seen that side of me. We realized we had no idea how to help each other when things got tough.”

Uncover your stress patterns with these questions:

• What signs might I notice when you're stressed but not saying anything? What signs might I notice when you're stressed but not saying anything?
• What's the most helpful thing I can do when you're overwhelmed? What's the most helpful thing I can do when you're overwhelmed?
• What's your biggest everyday stressor that I might not be aware of? What's your biggest everyday stressor that I might not be aware of?
• How do you typically recharge after a stressful period? How do you typically recharge after a stressful period?
• What stress relief methods work best for you? What stress relief methods work best for you?
• Do you prefer space or closeness when you're stressed? Do you prefer space or closeness when you're stressed?
• What's something that seems small but causes you disproportionate stress? What's something that seems small but causes you disproportionate stress?
• How was stress handled in your family growing up? How was stress handled in your family growing up?
• When was the last time you felt truly relaxed? When was the last time you felt truly relaxed?
• What pressure could I help take off your plate? What pressure could I help take off your plate?

Reality is one thing, but “what if” conversations can reveal more than you’d expect.

Hypothetical Deep Questions

Hypothetical questions might seem like dinner party games, but they’re actually windows into someone’s values, fears, and secret desires. Plus, they’re way more fun than asking about their 401(k) contributions.

During a weekend getaway, Melissa and Jake played the “desert island” game, each naming three items they’d want if stranded. “Jake chose practical survival tools,” Melissa laughed. “I chose my journal, coffee, and a photo album. He looked at me like I’d lost my mind, but it sparked this amazing conversation.”

These questions take you beyond the everyday into revealing territory:

• If money and logistics weren't factors, where would you want to live, and what would your life look like? If money and logistics weren't factors, where would you want to live, and what would your life look like?
• If you could master any skill instantly, what would you choose? If you could master any skill instantly, what would you choose?
• If we could solve one problem in our relationship with the snap of a finger, what would you fix? If we could solve one problem in our relationship with the snap of a finger, what would you fix?
• If you could know the absolute truth to one question, what would you ask? If you could know the absolute truth to one question, what would you ask?
• If we could time travel to any period for a year, when and where would you choose? If we could time travel to any period for a year, when and where would you choose?
• If you had to choose between perfect health or unlimited wealth, which would you pick? If you had to choose between perfect health or unlimited wealth, which would you pick?
• If you could see one statistic floating above everyone's head, what would you want to know? If you could see one statistic floating above everyone's head, what would you want to know?
• If you could change one decision from your past, would you, and which one? If you could change one decision from your past, would you, and which one?
• If tomorrow was guaranteed to be perfect, what would happen in it? If tomorrow was guaranteed to be perfect, what would happen in it?
• If you could be remembered for just one thing, what would you want it to be? If you could be remembered for just one thing, what would you want it to be?

These questions reveal the dreamer behind the practicality—but what does all this question-asking actually tell you about your relationship? More than you might think . . .

What These Questions Reveal About Your Relationship

You’ve asked the questions. But what do the answers actually tell you about your future together?

After six months of intentional deep conversations, Melissa and Jake noticed something profound. “Our arguments changed,” Melissa explained. “When Jake got quiet during disagreements, I no longer thought he was ignoring me—I understood he was processing.”

The deepest questions you ask reveal multitudes:

• Your capacity for vulnerability and emotional intimacy
• Communication patterns that need strengthening or repair
• Areas where you naturally align and where you’ll need compromise
• How you both handle difficult emotions and conflict
• The hidden assumptions you make about relationships
• Your individual and shared visions for the future
• How well you listen and respond to each other’s needs
• The balance of give and take in your relationship
• Your ability to respect boundaries and differences while finding common ground
• The health of your friendship, which underlies romantic connection

These questions aren’t just conversation starters, they’re relationship builders. Incorporate them into long drives, quiet evenings at home, or dedicated “connection dates.” Create a judgment-free zone where honest answers are welcomed, not criticized.

Deep connection is built with patience and genuine curiosity about the person sharing their life with yours. The couples who thrive aren’t necessarily those who agree on everything—they’re the ones who never stop being fascinated by each other’s inner worlds.

As Melissa put it, “Four years in, I’m still discovering new layers to Jake. We’re never bored together.”

Now it’s your turn. Pick a question, put down your phone, look your partner in the eye, and prepare to be surprised. The person you think you know so well is still full of undiscovered stories waiting to be told.

Read more of our guides to being in a relationship.

Here are some more questions, messages, and quotes to help you strengthen your relationship with your partner:

• Questions to Ask a Guy to Get to Know Him Deeper
• “Favorite Things” Questions to Really Get to Know Him
• Never Have I Ever Questions: Spicy Edition
• Love-of-My-Life Quotes
• Love Paragraphs That Will Make Him Light Up & Show How Much You Care
• Touching Love Messages to Make Him Cry
• The 10-Second Text That Will Make Him Smile for Hours
• Good Morning Messages for Him to Start the Day Right

FAQs

For many guys, putting feelings into words is about as comfortable as wearing someone else’s underwear. 

But written expressions of love can make her day in ways your playlist of romantic Spotify songs simply can’t. 

No poetry degree required!

Personalized Love Notes for Her

Mike stared at the blank notecard, pen hovering uncertainly. After five years of marriage, he worried Sophia found his expressions of love predictable and stale. 

The flowers-and-chocolate combo for every occasion wasn’t cutting it anymore. He needed something that would make her feel truly seen.

The secret to a love note that hits different? Make it specific to her — think about what makes her uniquely herself, the tiny details only you notice because you’ve been paying attention.

Here are some personalized messages to get your creative juices flowing:

• When you scrunch your nose while concentrating on your book, I fall in love all over again. When you scrunch your nose while concentrating on your book, I fall in love all over again.
• The way you remembered my favorite sandwich order from that place we visited once three years ago makes me feel more known than I've ever felt. The way you remembered my favorite sandwich order from that place we visited once three years ago makes me feel more known than I've ever felt.
• Your ability to recite entire scenes from 'The Office' makes both my day and my heart full. Your ability to recite entire scenes from 'The Office' makes both my day and my heart full.
• I love how you always wave at dogs like they're people who might wave back. I love how you always wave at dogs like they're people who might wave back.
• The dedication you show to your morning coffee ritual makes me smile every single day. The dedication you show to your morning coffee ritual makes me smile every single day.
• The little dance you do when your favorite song comes on is the highlight of any party. The little dance you do when your favorite song comes on is the highlight of any party.
• I admire how you never leave the house without checking that the stove is off. Twice. I admire how you never leave the house without checking that the stove is off. Twice.
• Your collection of true crime books should probably concern me, but instead it just makes me love your curious mind even more. Your collection of true crime books should probably concern me, but instead it just makes me love your curious mind even more.
• The way you always call your mom on your drive home from work shows me the kind of loyalty I value most about you. The way you always call your mom on your drive home from work shows me the kind of loyalty I value most about you.
• I love that you can't go to bed if there are dishes in the sink. Your attention to detail makes our home wonderful. I love that you can't go to bed if there are dishes in the sink. Your attention to detail makes our home wonderful.

As Mike found out, the magic happens when you notice the quirks, habits, and unique qualities that make her distinctly her. But what about those everyday moments when you want to remind her you’re thinking of her?

Sweet Daily Love Messages

One morning, while watching her rush to get ready for work, hair still damp and coffee sloshing dangerously in her travel mug, Mike realized he could brighten Sophia’s hectic day with just a few thoughtful words.

Starting your partner’s morning with a message that makes her smile can set the tone for her entire day. Sending a midday note lets her know she’s on your mind even when you’re apart. And ending the day with sweet words helps both of you drift off to sleep feeling connected and loved.

Try these daily messages to spark joy in her everyday routine:

• Good morning, beautiful. I already miss the way you curl against me in your sleep. Good morning, beautiful. I already miss the way you curl against me in your sleep.
• Just saw someone drinking coffee as intensely as you do and it made me smile. Miss your face. Just saw someone drinking coffee as intensely as you do and it made me smile. Miss your face.
• Thinking about the way you looked at me this morning. Can't wait to come home to those eyes. Thinking about the way you looked at me this morning. Can't wait to come home to those eyes.
• It's only 10 a.m. and I've already thought about kissing you approximately 27 times. It's only 10 a.m. and I've already thought about kissing you approximately 27 times.
• Just wanted to pop in and remind you that you're crushing it today, whatever “it” may be. Just wanted to pop in and remind you that you're crushing it today, whatever “it” may be.
• If I were a poet, I'd write sonnets about the way you look in your pajamas. If I were a poet, I'd write sonnets about the way you look in your pajamas.
• Just walked past your favorite coffee shop and ordered your usual. Now I'm sadly drinking two coffees and missing you. Just walked past your favorite coffee shop and ordered your usual. Now I'm sadly drinking two coffees and missing you.
• I know your big meeting is in an hour. You've got this, and I've got you. I know your big meeting is in an hour. You've got this, and I've got you.
• The weather today reminds me of that time we got caught in the rain and you laughed instead of complaining. I love that about you. The weather today reminds me of that time we got caught in the rain and you laughed instead of complaining. I love that about you.
• Just thinking about how lucky I am that out of all the people in the world, you chose me. Just thinking about how lucky I am that out of all the people in the world, you chose me.

After a month of sending these daily messages, Mike noticed something amazing: Sophia started sending them too. Their connection deepened through these small moments of acknowledgment. 

But he soon realized there was another type of message that meant even more to her — ones that showed he truly appreciated everything she brought to their life.

Appreciation and Encouragement Messages

Mike had an epiphany one day as he watched Sophia handle a family crisis with grace, field work calls, and still remember to pick up his dry cleaning. 

He took her thoughtfulness for granted way too often. Sure, he’d say “Thanks, babe” in passing, but when was the last time he’d truly acknowledged the hundred ways she made their life better?

Here are messages that celebrate her actions and bolster her spirit:

• I noticed you stayed up late helping your sister through her breakup even though you had an early meeting. Your compassion amazes me. I noticed you stayed up late helping your sister through her breakup even though you had an early meeting. Your compassion amazes me.
• The way you handled that difficult client today showed such professionalism. I'm genuinely impressed. The way you handled that difficult client today showed such professionalism. I'm genuinely impressed.
• I see how hard you're working toward your goals. Your determination inspires me to push harder on mine. I see how hard you're working toward your goals. Your determination inspires me to push harder on mine.
• Thank you for always remembering the little things, like stocking my favorite cereal. Those small gestures mean everything. Thank you for always remembering the little things, like stocking my favorite cereal. Those small gestures mean everything.
• The dinner you made tonight was incredible. You put so much love into taking care of us. The dinner you made tonight was incredible. You put so much love into taking care of us.
• I'm in awe of how you juggle work, family, and still make time for us. You're extraordinary. I'm in awe of how you juggle work, family, and still make time for us. You're extraordinary.
• The patience you showed with your mom today was remarkable. I know it wasn't easy. The patience you showed with your mom today was remarkable. I know it wasn't easy.
• You're going to crush that presentation tomorrow. They're lucky to have your brain in the room. You're going to crush that presentation tomorrow. They're lucky to have your brain in the room.
• I've seen you overcome bigger challenges than this one. You've got all the strength you need. I've seen you overcome bigger challenges than this one. You've got all the strength you need.
• The way you organized our chaotic garage yesterday was nothing short of miraculous. Thank you. The way you organized our chaotic garage yesterday was nothing short of miraculous. Thank you.

While these sincere appreciation messages strengthened their bond, Mike was determined to tap into Sophia’s killer sense of humor. Their inside jokes and playful banter had always been central to their connection, and he realized his love notes could capture that lighthearted spirit too.

Playful and Witty Love Notes

Somehow, as life got busier, Mike and Sophia’s original playfulness faded. He decided it was time to bring back the laughter.

Most relationships need a healthy dose of playfulness to stay vibrant. Humor creates intimacy, relieves tension, and reminds you both not to take life too seriously. Plus, making her snort-laugh in public is its own special kind of victory.

Here are some playful messages to keep the fun alive:

• If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. (I'm not even sorry for that one.) If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber. (I'm not even sorry for that one.)
• You must be from the Shire because you've got a 'hobbit' of stealing my heart. You must be from the Shire because you've got a 'hobbit' of stealing my heart.
• You must be a magician because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears. You must be a magician because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
• Just a reminder that I love you more than pizza. And you know my feelings about pizza. Just a reminder that I love you more than pizza. And you know my feelings about pizza.
• Breaking news: Scientists confirm you're the cutest person in this relationship. When questioned about this discovery, I nodded vigorously. Breaking news: Scientists confirm you're the cutest person in this relationship. When questioned about this discovery, I nodded vigorously.
• I'd pause my video game for you. Mid-battle. Without saving first. That's true love. I'd pause my video game for you. Mid-battle. Without saving first. That's true love.
• Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not a poet, and this proves it. But I love you! Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not a poet, and this proves it. But I love you!
• Thanks for loving 'Star Wars' as much as I do. Yoda one for me. Thanks for loving 'Star Wars' as much as I do. Yoda one for me.
• Every love song on the radio makes me think of you. Except that weird one about the umbrella. Still confused about that one. Every love song on the radio makes me think of you. Except that weird one about the umbrella. Still confused about that one.
• You're the only person I want to annoy for the rest of my life. You're the only person I want to annoy for the rest of my life.

As their anniversary approached, Mike realized he needed to up his game for special occasions too. The standard card from the grocery store checkout line wasn’t going to cut it anymore. Sophia deserved words that matched the significance of their milestone moments.

Love Messages for Special Occasions

Their fifth wedding anniversary was approaching, and Mike was determined to make it memorable. Previous years had seen the usual flowers-dinner-gift combo, but this year would be different. 

He spent weeks crafting a message that captured what these five years had meant to him.

Special occasions call for messages that rise above your daily expressions of love. Here are some messages that capture these milestone moments:

• Happy anniversary to the woman who makes ordinary days extraordinary and extraordinary days unforgettable. Happy anniversary to the woman who makes ordinary days extraordinary and extraordinary days unforgettable.
• Another trip around the sun with you by my side has been my life's greatest gift. Happy birthday to my favorite person. Another trip around the sun with you by my side has been my life's greatest gift. Happy birthday to my favorite person.
• Five years ago today, I made the best decision of my life. I'd say “I do” a thousand times over. Five years ago today, I made the best decision of my life. I'd say “I do” a thousand times over.
• Valentine's Day seems almost redundant when every day with you feels like a celebration of love. But I'll take any excuse to tell you how much you mean to me. Valentine's Day seems almost redundant when every day with you feels like a celebration of love. But I'll take any excuse to tell you how much you mean to me.
• On your birthday, I'm the one feeling blessed — for another year of your laughter, wisdom, and love in my life. On your birthday, I'm the one feeling blessed — for another year of your laughter, wisdom, and love in my life.
• This Christmas, the only present I need is your presence. (But I got you a real gift too — I'm not an idiot.) This Christmas, the only present I need is your presence. (But I got you a real gift too — I'm not an idiot.)
• From our first anniversary to our fiftieth, my promise will remain the same: to love you more with each passing year. From our first anniversary to our fiftieth, my promise will remain the same: to love you more with each passing year.
• Another year together has only deepened my certainty that you're the best decision I ever made. Another year together has only deepened my certainty that you're the best decision I ever made.
• Happy birthday to the woman who gets more beautiful, brilliant, and amazing with each passing year. Happy birthday to the woman who gets more beautiful, brilliant, and amazing with each passing year.
• Today we celebrate not just our wedding day but every day since that has been enriched by your love. Today we celebrate not just our wedding day but every day since that has been enriched by your love.

Mike often found himself struggling to find the right words for how deeply he felt. On those occasions, he turned to the words of poets, songwriters, and thinkers who had captured the essence of love across the centuries.

Romantic Quotes to Use in Love Notes

For their wedding vows, Mike used lines from Sophia’s favorite poet, Pablo Neruda, knowing how much she loved his work. Years later, when he found himself searching for the perfect words for their anniversary card, he returned to literature and lyrics to capture the depth of his feelings.

Sometimes, the masters say it best. Borrowing memorable lines from literature, films, songs, or famous figures can add weight and resonance to your love notes: 

• 'In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.' – Virginia Woolf 'In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.' – Virginia Woolf
• 'I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.' – Elizabeth Barrett Browning 'I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.' – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
• 'If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.' – Alfred Lord Tennyson 'If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.' – Alfred Lord Tennyson
• 'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.' – Emily Brontë 'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.' – Emily Brontë
• 'You are my today and all of my tomorrows.' – Leo Christopher 'You are my today and all of my tomorrows.' – Leo Christopher
• 'I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.' – Angelita Lim 'I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.' – Angelita Lim
• 'You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.' – Dr. Seuss 'You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.' – Dr. Seuss
• 'I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone.' – J.R.R. Tolkien 'I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone.' – J.R.R. Tolkien
• 'If I know what love is, it is because of you.' – Hermann Hesse 'If I know what love is, it is because of you.' – Hermann Hesse
• 'There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.' – Friedrich Nietzsche 'There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.' – Friedrich Nietzsche

Just as Mike was getting comfortable with his new role as romantic wordsmith, Sophia received a job offer three states away. The six-month temporary assignment would advance her career significantly.

As they went through this unexpected challenge, Mike found himself facing an entirely new dimension of expressing love across the miles.

Love Messages for Long-Distance Relationships

The airport goodbye had been harder than Mike expected. As he watched Sophia disappear through security, he realized their relationship was entering uncharted territory. 

Late-night calls and weekend visits would have to substitute for their comfortable routine. His love notes took on new significance — tangible reminders of his presence when he couldn’t physically be there.

Here are messages to keep your connection strong across the miles:

• Different time zones, same moon. Looking up knowing you might be seeing it too makes you feel closer. Different time zones, same moon. Looking up knowing you might be seeing it too makes you feel closer.
• The hardest part of my day is when I turn to tell you something and remember you're not here. The hardest part of my day is when I turn to tell you something and remember you're not here.
• Just because I'm not there to witness your small victories doesn't mean I'm not insanely proud of them. Just because I'm not there to witness your small victories doesn't mean I'm not insanely proud of them.
• Missing you comes in waves. Right now, I'm drowning a little. Missing you comes in waves. Right now, I'm drowning a little.
• I've mapped the fastest route to you in case of a zombie apocalypse. Just FYI. I've mapped the fastest route to you in case of a zombie apocalypse. Just FYI.
• It's strange how someone can be so far away yet occupy so much space in my mind and heart. It's strange how someone can be so far away yet occupy so much space in my mind and heart.
• If love were measured in miles, ours would circle the globe many times over. If love were measured in miles, ours would circle the globe many times over.
• The distance is temporary, but this love is permanent. The distance is temporary, but this love is permanent.
• I'm collecting stories to tell you when we're together again. The list gets longer every day. I'm collecting stories to tell you when we're together again. The list gets longer every day.
• Sometimes I catch myself smiling at my phone like an idiot while texting you. Worth it. Sometimes I catch myself smiling at my phone like an idiot while texting you. Worth it.

Despite the challenges of their temporary separation, Mike found that their bond was actually strengthening. But during a particularly difficult week, he had to call in the cavalry.

Inspirational Love Quotes

Three months into their long-distance arrangement, Sophia called Mike in tears after a stressful day at work. Unable to comfort her in person and feeling helpless, he sent her a handwritten letter containing quotes about love’s strength and endurance that had helped him through their separation.

When times get tough, inspirational quotes about love can provide perspective and renewed hope:

• 'The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.' – Nicholas Sparks 'The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.' – Nicholas Sparks
• 'There is no challenge strong enough to destroy your marriage as long as you are both willing to stop fighting against each other and start fighting for each other.' – Dave Willis 'There is no challenge strong enough to destroy your marriage as long as you are both willing to stop fighting against each other and start fighting for each other.' – Dave Willis
• 'A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.' – Dave Meurer 'A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.' – Dave Meurer
• 'Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.' – Ursula K. Le Guin 'Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.' – Ursula K. Le Guin
• 'Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.' – Voltaire 'Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.' – Voltaire
• 'The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.' – Helen Keller 'The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.' – Helen Keller
• 'Where there is love there is life.' – Mahatma Gandhi 'Where there is love there is life.' – Mahatma Gandhi
• 'Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. – Robert A. Heinlein 'Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. – Robert A. Heinlein
• 'The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.' – Theodore Hesburgh 'The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.' – Theodore Hesburgh
• 'Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.' – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry 'Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.' – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

After six months of intentional love notes across different phases of their relationship, Mike had discovered something powerful — these weren’t just romantic gestures but essential tools for nurturing their bond.

Your Next Steps: Writing the Perfect Love Note for Her

The day Sophia returned home, Mike greeted her with a scrapbook filled with copies of all the notes, texts, and letters he’d sent during their time apart. As they flipped through the pages together, they realized these weren’t just sweet gestures but a written record of their love story — one they’d continue writing together for years to come.

You’ve got the messages, the quotes, and the inspiration. Now it’s time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and create love notes that will touch her heart. Here are some tips on becoming a love note maestro:

• Create a note-writing ritual. Set aside regular time — perhaps Sunday evenings or the first day of each month — specifically for writing thoughtful notes.
• Start a collection of ideas. Keep a running list in your phone of things you love about her, moments that touch you, or thoughts you want to share.
• Mix up your delivery methods. Alternate between handwritten notes, texts, emails, social media shoutouts, and even voice messages to keep things fresh.
• Be specific and genuine. Generic compliments are nice, but detailed observations about what makes her special to you are unforgettable.
• Don’t overthink it. Sometimes the simplest, most direct expressions of love are the most powerful.
• Create a keepsake system. Encourage her to save your notes in a special box or digital folder that you can both look back on during tough times.
• Remember that timing matters. A supportive note before a big presentation or after a difficult day shows you’re truly attuned to her needs.
• Don’t limit notes to special occasions. The random Tuesday note often means more than the expected Valentine’s Day card.
• Follow words with actions. Love notes are powerful, but they should be reinforced by loving behaviors that demonstrate consistent care.
• Invite reciprocation. Share how much her words of love mean to you too, creating a beautiful cycle of written affirmation.

While love notes are a powerful tool for connection, they’re most effective when part of a larger relationship strategy. So put down your phone, make eye contact, and truly listen when she speaks — sometimes that’s the most loving message of all.

Ready to take your relationship beyond love notes? Check out our comprehensive guides to being in a relationship. 

If you’re ready to level up your connection, these reads will give you the tools and clarity to strengthen your relationship from the inside out:

• How to Propose: The Action Plan for a Romantic Man
• 10 Best Online Marriage Counseling Platforms (2025)
• How to Get Your Wife to Love You Again
• 19 Effective Couples Therapy Exercises to Strengthen Your Relationship
• How to Avoid Divorce and Save Your Marriage: A Deep Journey Back to Love and Connection
• Relationship Rights and Responsibilities: Know What Matters
• Shared Values in a Relationship
• Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

FAQ

References

1. Gottman, J. (2018). The seven principles for making marriage work. Hachette UK.

The secret ingredient to a thriving relationship isn’t grand gestures or expensive gifts — it’s curiosity. 

When my friend Jess started feeling disconnected from her husband, Liam, after five years of marriage, she didn’t book a fancy vacation or suggest couples therapy. Instead, she started asking questions — real, meaningful ones that went beyond “How was your day?” 

The results were nothing short of transformative.

Fun and Lighthearted Questions

Jess remembered what it felt like when she and Liam were falling in love, that butterflies-in-your-stomach sensation, and she was determined to bring that energy back into her marriage. 

“The day I realized I could recite Liam’s takeout order but couldn’t remember the last time we really laughed together was the day I knew something had to change,” she told me over coffee one rainy Tuesday.

These lighthearted questions can bring back the playful energy that might have faded over time:

• If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
• What's the most embarrassing song on your playlist that you secretly love? What's the most embarrassing song on your playlist that you secretly love?
• If we could teleport anywhere for dinner tonight, where would we go? If we could teleport anywhere for dinner tonight, where would we go?
• Would you rather be able to talk to animals or speak all human languages? Would you rather be able to talk to animals or speak all human languages?
• What's your weirdest hidden talent that I might not know about? What's your weirdest hidden talent that I might not know about?
• If our relationship was a movie, what genre would it be and who would play us? If our relationship was a movie, what genre would it be and who would play us?
• Would you rather have an extra finger or an extra toe? Would you rather have an extra finger or an extra toe?
• If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be? If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be?
• What's the strangest dream you've ever had about me? What's the strangest dream you've ever had about me?
• What fictional character do you think I'm most like? What fictional character do you think I'm most like?
• If we switched bodies for a day, what would you do first? If we switched bodies for a day, what would you do first?
• Would you rather give up coffee forever or chocolate forever? Would you rather give up coffee forever or chocolate forever?
• What's your most irrational fear that you've never told me about? What's your most irrational fear that you've never told me about?
• If you could change one rule in any sport, what would it be? If you could change one rule in any sport, what would it be?
• What ridiculous fashion trend would you bring back if you could? What ridiculous fashion trend would you bring back if you could?
• Would you rather always be slightly too hot or slightly too cold? Would you rather always be slightly too hot or slightly too cold?
• If you had to choose a new first name, what would it be? If you had to choose a new first name, what would it be?
• What's the worst gift you've ever received and had to pretend to like? What's the worst gift you've ever received and had to pretend to like?
• If you could have dinner with any three people, dead or alive, who would they be? If you could have dinner with any three people, dead or alive, who would they be?
• Would you rather have the hiccups for the rest of your life or always feel like you need to sneeze but can't? Would you rather have the hiccups for the rest of your life or always feel like you need to sneeze but can't?

After a week of sprinkling these questions into their evening routine, Jess was shocked at how much she was learning about Liam — like his secret dream of opening a taco truck or his irrational fear of mannequins. 

But as fun as these playful questions were, she knew that to really strengthen their connection, they needed to dig a little deeper. And that’s when things got really interesting . . .

Questions to Strengthen Your Relationship

The night Jess asked Liam about his love language, she expected a quick answer and maybe a laugh. What she got instead was a three-hour conversation that left them both teary-eyed on their living room floor. “I realized we’d been trying to love each other in completely different languages,” Jess confessed.

• What makes you feel most loved — words, gifts, touch, acts of service, or quality time? What makes you feel most loved — words, gifts, touch, acts of service, or quality time?
• How do you think our communication has changed since we first met? How do you think our communication has changed since we first met?
• What's one thing I do that makes you feel especially appreciated? What's one thing I do that makes you feel especially appreciated?
• When was a time you felt I really understood you? When was a time you felt I really understood you?
• How do you prefer I bring up concerns — right away or after you've had time to unwind? How do you prefer I bring up concerns — right away or after you've had time to unwind?
• What's something I do that unintentionally hurts your feelings? What's something I do that unintentionally hurts your feelings?
• How can I better support you when you're stressed? How can I better support you when you're stressed?
• What's something I've done recently that made you feel loved? What's something I've done recently that made you feel loved?
• What's one conversation you think we've been avoiding? What's one conversation you think we've been avoiding?
• When do you feel most connected to me? When do you feel most connected to me?
• What does trust mean to you in our relationship? What does trust mean to you in our relationship?
• How do you think we handle conflict compared to other couples? How do you think we handle conflict compared to other couples?
• What's one thing you wish I understood better about you? What's one thing you wish I understood better about you?
• When have you felt proudest of us as a couple? When have you felt proudest of us as a couple?
• How can I make you feel more appreciated on ordinary days? How can I make you feel more appreciated on ordinary days?
• What topic do you wish we talked about more? What topic do you wish we talked about more?
• What's one thing I do that helps you feel secure in our relationship? What's one thing I do that helps you feel secure in our relationship?
• How can I better respond when you're having a bad day? How can I better respond when you're having a bad day?
• What kind of physical touch makes you feel most loved? What kind of physical touch makes you feel most loved?
• What habits do you think strengthen our bond? What habits do you think strengthen our bond?

When Jess and Liam started regularly checking in with questions like these, they noticed something remarkable: They stopped having the same arguments on repeat. With a better understanding of each other’s needs, they could address issues before they festered. 

But their journey was just beginning — soon they started asking questions about something even scarier than their feelings: their future.

Dreams and Future Planning Questions

For their “dream date,” instead of dinner and a movie, Jess and Liam spread a map on their living room floor, closed their eyes, and each pointed to a spot.

“Wherever we both pick, we’ll visit for our 10th anniversary,” she explained. They landed nowhere near each other (Liam: rural Montana; Jess: coastal Portugal), but it sparked a three-hour conversation about places they wanted to see together.

When partners share their dreams, they’re inviting each other into their inner world and creating a shared narrative:

• If money were no object, where would we live and what would our life look like? If money were no object, where would we live and what would our life look like?
• What's one adventure you want us to have together in the next five years? What's one adventure you want us to have together in the next five years?
• How do you envision our retirement years? How do you envision our retirement years?
• What's a skill or hobby you'd like us to learn together? What's a skill or hobby you'd like us to learn together?
• How do you think we should balance saving for the future versus enjoying life now? How do you think we should balance saving for the future versus enjoying life now?
• What financial goals should we prioritize in the next few years? What financial goals should we prioritize in the next few years?
• What kind of legacy do you want us to leave together? What kind of legacy do you want us to leave together?
• How many vacations per year would be ideal for you? How many vacations per year would be ideal for you?
• What's your dream house like? What's your dream house like?
• How would you feel about relocating for a career opportunity? How would you feel about relocating for a career opportunity?
• What would be your ideal work-life balance five years from now? What would be your ideal work-life balance five years from now?
• How do you want to celebrate our major relationship milestones? How do you want to celebrate our major relationship milestones?
• What's something you've always wanted to do but haven't told me about yet? What's something you've always wanted to do but haven't told me about yet?
• How do you feel about our current division of financial responsibilities? How do you feel about our current division of financial responsibilities?
• What kind of community do you want us to be part of? What kind of community do you want us to be part of?
• If we could start a business together, what would it be? If we could start a business together, what would it be?
• What does career success look like for you in ten years? What does career success look like for you in ten years?
• How important is it to you that we share hobbies and interests? How important is it to you that we share hobbies and interests?
• What's one change you think would significantly improve our quality of life? What's one change you think would significantly improve our quality of life?
• How do you want to approach major purchases together? How do you want to approach major purchases together?

After several wine-fueled future-planning sessions, Jess and Liam had a shared Google doc of dreams and goals that energized them both. But there was still one area they hadn’t fully explored — the kind of questions that make your cheeks flush and your heart race. It was time to turn up the heat . . .

Intimate and Romantic Questions

The night Jess decided to ask Liam about his fantasies, she lit candles, opened a bottle of wine, and put on something special. “I expected it to be awkward, but we ended up talking until 3 a.m.,” she laughed. “It was like discovering a whole new person — a person I was even more attracted to.”

• What's your favorite memory of us being intimate together? What's your favorite memory of us being intimate together?
• What's something new you'd like to try in the bedroom? What's something new you'd like to try in the bedroom?
• When do you feel most attracted to me? When do you feel most attracted to me?
• What's a fantasy you have that you've never told me about? What's a fantasy you have that you've never told me about?
• How can I make you feel more desired in our everyday life? How can I make you feel more desired in our everyday life?
• What was going through your mind the first time you saw me? What was going through your mind the first time you saw me?
• What's something I do that still gives you butterflies? What's something I do that still gives you butterflies?
• How comfortable do you feel expressing your needs to me? How comfortable do you feel expressing your needs to me?
• What makes you feel sexy and confident? What makes you feel sexy and confident?
• What's your idea of a perfect romantic evening? What's your idea of a perfect romantic evening?
• What's one way we could add more playfulness to our relationship? What's one way we could add more playfulness to our relationship?
• What kind of nonsexual touch do you crave more of? What kind of nonsexual touch do you crave more of?
• What's one thing you wish you knew about me when we first met? What's one thing you wish you knew about me when we first met?
• What song makes you think of us? What song makes you think of us?
• How has your definition of romance changed since we've been together? How has your definition of romance changed since we've been together?
• What's something romantic you've always wanted me to do? What's something romantic you've always wanted me to do?
• What's the most meaningful gift I've ever given you? What's the most meaningful gift I've ever given you?
• How do you feel about public displays of affection? How do you feel about public displays of affection?
• What kinds of compliments make you feel most loved? What kinds of compliments make you feel most loved?
• When have you felt most connected to me emotionally? When have you felt most connected to me emotionally?

After their intimate question sessions, Jess reported that Liam started leaving her little notes around the house again — something he hadn’t done since they were dating. “It’s like rediscovering each other,” she said with a smile. 

But what about those questions we’re sometimes afraid to ask? The ones that might rock the boat but could ultimately save it from sinking? Sometimes you’ve got to go deep or go home . . .

Meaningful and Hard Questions

The coffee shop fell silent when Jess told me, “Liam admitted he’s always resented how much time I spend with my mother.” She stared into her latte. “Ten years together, and I never knew. We had this massive fight, but afterward . . . It was like a weight was lifted.”

Some questions are hard precisely because they matter most. Most relationship conflicts are about perpetual problems — issues that will never completely go away. The important thing isn’t solving the unsolvable but discussing these challenges with respect and understanding.

• What's one thing about your childhood that you think affects how you show up in our relationship? What's one thing about your childhood that you think affects how you show up in our relationship?
• What's your biggest fear about our future together? What's your biggest fear about our future together?
• What parts of your life do you feel are missing or unfulfilled right now? What parts of your life do you feel are missing or unfulfilled right now?
• What's something you've been afraid to tell me because you worry about my reaction? What's something you've been afraid to tell me because you worry about my reaction?
• How have your religious or spiritual beliefs changed since we've been together? How have your religious or spiritual beliefs changed since we've been together?
• What's something I do that triggers old wounds for you? What's something I do that triggers old wounds for you?
• What's one recurring argument we have that you think is actually about something deeper? What's one recurring argument we have that you think is actually about something deeper?
• What do you consider absolute deal-breakers in our relationship? What do you consider absolute deal-breakers in our relationship?
• What boundaries do you think we need to establish or reinforce? What boundaries do you think we need to establish or reinforce?
• When have you felt dismissed or invalidated by me? When have you felt dismissed or invalidated by me?
• What's one thing about me that you've had to accept even though it's difficult? What's one thing about me that you've had to accept even though it's difficult?
• How do you think our relationship would change if we faced a major crisis together? How do you think our relationship would change if we faced a major crisis together?
• What expectations did your family have about relationships that you've brought into ours? What expectations did your family have about relationships that you've brought into ours?
• What's one thing you miss about your life before our relationship? What's one thing you miss about your life before our relationship?
• How do you feel about how we handle relationships with each other's families? How do you feel about how we handle relationships with each other's families?
• What's a sacrifice you've made for our relationship that I might not fully appreciate? What's a sacrifice you've made for our relationship that I might not fully appreciate?
• What's something you need from me that you've been afraid to ask for? What's something you need from me that you've been afraid to ask for?
• How do you really feel about our intimacy and sex life? How do you really feel about our intimacy and sex life?
• What's one way you think I've changed since we got together? What's one way you think I've changed since we got together?
• What's something about our relationship that worries you? What's something about our relationship that worries you?

After their hardest conversation yet — about whether to have kids — Jess texted me the next day: “I’m exhausted but I feel like I actually KNOW him again. We’ve been roommates for years, but tonight we were partners.” 

And isn’t that the whole point? To truly know and be known by the person sharing your life?

From Questions to Connection: What Comes Next

When Jess and Liam celebrated their anniversary last month, she told me something I’ll never forget: “The questions saved us. But it wasn’t really about the questions — it was about making space to hear each other again.”

Questions are just the beginning. The magic happens in the listening, the vulnerability, the laughter, and sometimes, the tears that follow. Set aside dedicated time — maybe a weekly date night or a monthly weekend getaway — where phones are off and curiosity is on.

Make it fun! Turn it into a game, write questions on popsicle sticks and draw them at random, or take turns being the “interviewer” complete with a fake microphone. The sillier the setup, the easier it often is to dive into the serious stuff.

Most importantly, approach these conversations with genuine openness. You might be surprised by your partner’s answers, and that’s the whole point. Even in the most committed relationships, there’s always more to discover.

On that note, to discover more tips from Break the Cycle, visit our guides to being in a relationship.

Here are more resources to help you reignite the flame with your partner:

• Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend to Make Him Laugh
• Never Have I Ever Questions: Spicy Edition
• Tough Relationship Questions to Strengthen Your Connection
• Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend to Get to Know Him Better
• Questions to Ask a Guy to Get to Know Him Deeper
• “Favorite Things” Questions to Really Get to Know Him

FAQ

References

1. Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: A practical guide from the country’s foremost relationship expert. Harmony.

2. Nagoski, E. (2015). Come as you are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex life. Simon and Schuster.

Seeing Jess, a 36-year-old marketing exec, today you’d never guess that just last spring, she was picking up the pieces of her eight-year relationship. Now she’s in a place of genuine peace and renewed confidence.

What’s her secret? A few months back, she stumbled across our breakup recovery article. One read led to another, then another — each one offering more clarity, more practical advice. 

“It was like someone finally handed me a map,” she says. 

No more stumbling through the dark, wondering if what you feel is normal. Breakup recovery isn’t random emotional chaos — it’s a journey with recognizable terrain. 

1. Emotional Whiplash

The first 72 hours after a breakup might be the most neurologically intense experience of your adult life.

For Jess, this stage hit hard. “My brain felt like it had short-circuited,” she recalls. Her body entered full-blown survival mode — racing heart, scattered thoughts, inability to eat or sleep. Her brain perceived romantic rejection as a life or death situation.

Desperate for relief, Jess dove into research, trying to make sense of the chaos in her mind. That’s when she found our article about the science of heartbreak — and suddenly, things clicked. Her brain wasn’t broken; it was reacting exactly as it was wired to. 

Here are three practical tools that helped her — and can help you — navigate this stage of breakup.

• 4-7-8 breathing reset. When your heart races and thoughts spiral, this technique interrupts your fight-or-flight response. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8. 
• 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise. When you feel yourself spiraling into anxiety, identify 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. This technique helps you stay in the present instead of replaying the past or worrying about the future.
• Japa meditation. When your thoughts are spiraling, grab a string of beads (or even a bracelet with small knots) and start repeating a simple, soothing phrase — out loud or in your mind. This could be something as simple as “I am going to be okay.” With each bead, repeat your mantra and focus on your breath.

Just as Jess began to regain her footing with these techniques, an illusory calm settled over her.

2. Denial

There’s a phase in breakup recovery that feels deceptively like acceptance.

Just when the shock began to wear off, Jess entered a phase of complete emotional dissociation. She found herself telling friends she was “totally fine” while mechanically going through daily routines. 

“I convinced myself the breakup was temporary and he’d come back once he ‘found himself.’ I even kept our shared Netflix account active.”

While it’s true that taking a break can be good for a relationship, clinging to hope instead of accepting reality is denial in a nutshell. 

It’s our evolutionary coping mechanism. Our brain cannot sustain high-intensity grief indefinitely. Dissociation allows us to absorb reality gradually, in manageable doses. 

With a pragmatic approach, you can move safely through the dangerously comforting waters of denial:

• Say it out loud. Every day, tell someone: “We broke up. It’s over.” Hearing yourself say it reinforces reality and stops you from clinging to “maybe.”
• Reclaim your life. To go no contact, unsubscribe from shared accounts, pack away his things, and change routines that keep him present. Bonus: Think about things you couldn’t do when you were together and go do them (I got a dog, best decision of my life).
• Disrupt the fantasy. Your brain clings to the good parts, so actively remind yourself why it ended. Write about your ex’s worst behaviors and reflect on the red flags you missed. Read the list as if your bestie had written it about her ex. This shifts your perspective and exposes the illusion.

Then one morning, three months after her breakup, the protective numbness shattered, replaced by uncontrollable rage.

3. Anger and Resentment

This phase of heartbreak terrifies most people but is also the most necessary.

The rage hit Jess without warning. Suddenly she was filled with rage — at him, at herself, at the entire situation. She was angry that she’d wasted eight years of her life with a guy who saw no future with her. She was angry that she wasn’t the one who called it quits. She was even angry at happy couples she saw on the street.

Socially, we tend to demonize anger and suppress it, especially women, but anger is the emotional immune response to violation. It tells you that your boundaries were crossed and helps you protect yourself in the future. The key is expressing it constructively rather than destructively.

To channel anger effectively, consider these evidence-based approaches:

• Move your anger. Your body needs a physical outlet for the emotional storm. Try boxing, sprinting, or even scrubbing your kitchen like it personally offended you. Anything that makes you sweat will help release tension.
• Write it, don’t send it. Grab a notebook and let it all out. Write the unsent letter, unfiltered and raw. Say everything you never got to say. Then, when you’re ready, reflect on what’s beneath the anger — hurt, disappointment, humiliation?
• Reframe it. Anger thrives on extreme thinking: “I wasted years of my life,” or “He never cared.” To break the cycle, try the ABCD method:
  • Adversity: Name what’s making you angry. (“The breakup happened after eight years together.”)
  • Belief: Identify the thought fueling your anger. (“I wasted my time.”)
  • Consequence: Notice how this belief makes you feel. (“I’m stuck, resentful, and blaming myself.”)
  • Dispute: Challenge the belief. (“Did I really waste time, or did I learn, grow, and experience love?”)

As her anger gradually subsided, Jess found herself caught in a different kind of struggle: obsessive analysis. 

4. Bargaining (aka Looking for Answers)

This phase of heartbreak is where logic and desperation collide.

Jess found herself awake at 3 a.m., scrolling through old texts, analyzing every word, every punctuation mark. “Maybe if I had phrased that differently, he wouldn’t have pulled away,” she thought. She reread their last argument, dissected his body language in their final conversation, even searched for hidden meanings in his Spotify playlist.

Desperate for clarity, Jess landed on our article about closure — and suddenly, it all made sense. 

Bargaining is your mind’s desperate attempt to rewrite history. Your brain craves control and if it can’t undo the breakup, it will attempt to make sense of it by searching for explanations. The problem? Most breakups don’t have a single, clean answer. And even if they did, no amount of mental gymnastics will change the outcome.

Escape the exhausting spiral of overanalysis:

• Interrupt your thoughts. Every time you catch yourself ruminating, say (out loud if possible), “Stop. This isn’t helping.” Then immediately redirect your focus — stand up, stretch, blast your favorite song, call a friend. 
• Accept the unacceptable. Sometimes, the hardest truth is that there is no satisfying explanation. One simple way to start? Write a single sentence on a piece of paper: “I will never fully understand why, and that’s okay.” Read it every time you feel yourself slipping back into analysis mode.

Jess eventually realized that no amount of searching would change what had happened. And the moment she let go of the “why,” she finally had space to focus on the “what’s next.”

But before she could fully move forward, she had to grieve what was lost.

5. Sadness and Depression

This is the stage everyone expects, but knowing it’s coming doesn’t make it any easier. 

Six months after her breakup, Jess faced a new challenge. The anger had faded. The mental gymnastics had exhausted itself. What remained was a profound sadness that settled into her bones. “I’d thought I was doing better, but this sadness felt like it went all the way to my core,” Jess remembers.

Sadness after a breakup isn’t just emotional — it’s biochemical. Brain imaging studies show that heartbreak depletes dopamine and serotonin, the very neurotransmitters responsible for motivation and happiness. Your body interprets the loss like withdrawal from an addiction, which is why everything feels dull and exhausting.

Late one night, while mindlessly scrolling through breakup forums, Jess learned about post-breakup depression. It was the first time she realized she wasn’t just “sad” — she was depressed. 

Here’s what actually helps when you’re stuck in this stage:

• Apply the “two-task” rule. When sadness makes everything feel overwhelming, give yourself just two things to accomplish each day — one for your body (like a short walk or making a meal) and one for your mind (like reading 10 pages of a book or journaling for five minutes). No pressure to be productive — just keep moving, even in small ways.
• Schedule cry time. If you feel emotionally flooded all day, set a 20-minute timer and give yourself full permission to cry, and just feel. When the timer ends, physically reset — wash your face, change clothes, go outside. This trains your brain to process sadness without letting it take over the whole day.
• Make a “comfort list.” When you’re sad, thinking of ways to comfort yourself can feel impossible. Instead, make a list now of small, comforting activities — watching a favorite childhood movie (Anne of Green Gables anyone?), rereading a book, or baking cookies. When sadness hits, pull out the list and pick one thing.

Jess didn’t wake up one day magically “over it.” But by stacking these small habits daily, she slowly started to feel human again. The fog lifted, little by little. And before she knew it she was stepping into the next stage.

6. Acceptance and Emotional Healing

One day you just wake up and you feel like yourself again.

For Jess, acceptance wasn’t a single moment. It was a series of small shifts. One day, she realized she hadn’t checked his Instagram in weeks. Another day, she laughed — really laughed — at something her friend said. She still thought about him but it no longer felt like a knife to the chest.

Acceptance isn’t about “getting over it” or forgetting the past. It’s about making peace with it. The pain doesn’t vanish — it just stops controlling you. Instead of feeling like a victim of heartbreak, you start seeing yourself as someone who survived it.

Jess learned to let go, and for the first time, she wasn’t searching for answers about him. She was searching for ways to build a life she actually wanted. Here’s what helped her — and what can help you too:

• Forgive yourself first. Regret is part of healing, but self-blame isn’t. Maybe you stayed too long, ignored red flags, or said things you wish you hadn’t. That’s called being human. Instead of punishing yourself for what you didn’t know, acknowledge what you do know now — and use it to build better relationships in the future.
• Redefine your story. Instead of framing the breakup as a failure, rewrite the narrative. What did you learn? How did this relationship shape you? If your best friend told you this was the chapter before something better, would you believe her?
• Love again — platonically. Love doesn’t just come from romance. Strengthen your friendships, reconnect with family, or even adopt a pet. Letting love in from other sources reminds you that love didn’t leave your life — one person did.

One evening, Jess caught herself humming in the kitchen — something she hadn’t done in months. She paused, realizing it was the first time in a long time she felt the cozy warmth of emotional peace. The breakup didn’t break her, but it did change her.

7. Finding Meaning 

What is broken is not ruined. It is remade.

That’s the philosophy behind Japanese art called kintsugi, the practice of mending broken pottery with gold. Instead of disguising the cracks, it highlights them — transforming something broken into something even more beautiful.

Heartbreak feels like shattering. But like kintsugi, healing is honoring the past, learning from it, and letting it make you stronger. 

The heartbreak transformed Jess into a wiser, more compassionate version of herself. One day, she caught herself giving advice to a newly heartbroken friend, realizing how mature and sensible she sounded. 

The final stage of healing is about moving forward with purpose. Here’s how to embrace your own kintsugi moment:

• Identify your takeaways. Write down three things you learned from this experience — about healthy love, about the importance of boundaries, about yourself. This isn’t about rehashing the past but about recognizing how it shaped you.
• Create a new vision. You’re not just closing a chapter — you’re writing a new one. Where do you want to go from here? What kind of love, friendships, career, and experiences do you actually want? Even small steps toward these goals make the future feel exciting again.
• Help someone else. When you’re ready, take what you’ve learned and share it. Whether it’s supporting a friend, volunteering in your community, or simply being more intentional in your next relationship, turning your pain into purpose is one of the most healing things you can do.

Months after her breakup, Jess found herself walking through her favorite bookstore, drawn to the travel section. She smiled, remembering that solo trip she had always dreamed of taking. And this time, she didn’t just think about it — she booked it.

Things to Remember as You Heal

Jess wasn’t alone in her recovery journey — she had her friends and the entire Break the Cycle Ending a Relationship selection to guide her. Explore these avenues for building a support system:

• Therapy and counseling. If your breakup has triggered deep anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma, therapy can provide personalized support.
• Support groups and online communities. Whether it’s a local support group or an online space like r/BreakUps, talking to people who get it can be a game changer.
• Breakup recovery programs. Programs like The Breakup Bootcamp by Amy Chan and the Mend self-care app offer step-by-step guidance to help you move forward.

I’ve simplified Jess’s story to give you a roadmap, a sense of direction. But these are broad concepts, universal truths about how we process loss. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this journey:

• Healing looks different for everyone. There’s no set timeline for moving on. Some people feel better in months; for others, it takes longer. Your healing process is unique to you, shaped by your past, your attachment style, and the depth of the relationship. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s.
• The power of self-compassion. You wouldn’t judge a friend for struggling after a breakup — so why be so hard on yourself? Self-compassion means allowing yourself to grieve, make mistakes, and take your time without shame. Be kind to yourself.
• Seek professional support for deeper healing. If your breakup is triggering an overwhelming emotional response, reaching out to a therapist can be a game-changer. Therapy is a space to untangle emotions, rebuild self-worth, and create a future that feels good again.

Remember, the pain you feel today is creating space for new joy tomorrow. You are stronger than you know, and on the other side of this heartbreak is a version of yourself you haven’t even met yet.

FAQs

Marcus had it all figured out: the kids with their grandparents, a surprise dinner reservation, and an evening that would remind his wife how much she meant to him. But when he came home early to surprise her, what he found shattered everything. 

The shock hit like a freight train. His heart stopped as the cruel, undeniable truth unfolded before his eyes. The truth that might not have been so devastating, if only he wasn’t so gullible — if only he’d noticed the signs.

8 Signs Your Wife Is Cheating on You

When you’re deep in the comfort of routine, you may be missing more than the excitement of the early days. 

The Institute for Family Studies reports that 20% of men and 13% of women admitted to having sex with someone other than their spouse.^[1] 

The act of cheating is the final step in a series of choices and behaviors that build over time. Marcus didn’t think it would happen to him — until it did. 

After seeing his wife with another man on their couch, Marcus left in silence. He drove off and eventually parked in the middle of nowhere, reflecting on all the signs he had missed. “She was acting weird recently, though,” he thought. 

1. She’s Not Herself Anymore

The most common warning sign is the one that has a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Sue hadn’t been herself these past few weeks — or was it months? But she’d started a new job last quarter, and Marcus assumed her strange behavior was just stress from the transition. He blamed her mood swings on that diet she was on.

Changes in behavior, on their own, don’t necessarily indicate infidelity. We all go through phases. After all, life isn’t static — stress happens, family issues arise, and career demands shift. Nobody stays perfectly consistent. And that’s exactly why this sign is so easily missed.

Don’t jump to conclusions, but don’t ignore your intuition either, especially when these changes appear alongside other warning signs. 

2. Her Friends Suddenly Act Strange

The slight hesitation before Kelly, Sue’s best friend, answered Marcus’s question about their last Friday’s dinner was barely noticeable — but it was there.

Kelly’s entire demeanor changed when he mentioned the supposed dinner. The way she explained their night out with a weird level of detail, and the strange, almost apologetic glance she gave him before excusing herself to refill her drink. 

Looking back, Marcus recognized similar awkwardness from not just Kelly but several friends in their circle. 

Friends often become unwilling participants in the deception, caught between loyalty to their friend and their own moral compass. This uncomfortable middle ground creates subtle tells that are hard to miss. So, when her friends can’t look you in the eye, they might know something you don’t.

As troubling as these social warning signs were, they aligned perfectly with another red flag that had been bothering Marcus for weeks: His wife had become mysteriously unreachable.

3. She’s Unavailable

The calls she doesn’t answer might say more than the ones she does. 

There were nights she didn’t pick up when he called on his way home. Message check-ins or silly memes meant to make her laugh were met with silence. He didn’t question it. It made sense. Sue was busy impressing her new boss, helping the kids with the homework, or just needing some downtime. Marcus understood that.

When someone becomes unreachable, the question isn’t if she’s busy — it’s with what? Where is her attention going instead? Trouble begins the moment she becomes unavailable to you to be available somewhere — or to someone — else.

Funny, Marcus thought. She was so unavailable, taking hours to respond. But at the same time, she always seemed to have her phone in hand.

4. She’s Always on Her Phone

In hindsight, the constant tapping on her phone wasn’t what Marcus thought it was.

They had even fought about it. Marcus worried that she was overworking, buried in emails until late at night. But now, it all made sense. They weren’t work emails. Or maybe they were, but not about work.

When she’s constantly texting and you don’t know who it is, doubt creeps in. It deepens when she gets defensive or guards her phone. Alone, it might mean nothing, but paired with other strange behavior, it could be a sign that your wife is being unfaithful.

Looking back, Marcus couldn’t remember the last time she asked how his day was.

5. She’s Emotionally Checked Out

The distance between them was more than physical. 

Marcus thought she was just tired, worn down by life’s daily grind. But now, it was clear — she hadn’t been tired. She had been emotionally detached. He tried to remember the last time she had listened to his worries or shared hers, and aside from the usual complaints about the kids’ grades, nothing came to mind.

Emotional distance hides in the conversations that feel empty. You’re still talking — about errands, schedules, or what’s for dinner — but the connection is gone. The meaningful conversations quietly fade. That’s when something deeper starts to break — not because the words stop, but because the meaning does.

As Marcus rewound every empty exchange, he began to understand that the next sign on the list was only a natural consequence. 

6. She Avoids Intimacy

It wasn’t the lack of intimacy that hurt him.

Marcus remembered the nights when she’d curl up next to him, her head resting on his chest. But those moments had vanished, replaced by quick goodnight pecks and the cold expanse of space between them. Of course, he didn’t expect them to be all over each other like in the beginning, but nothing at all? Not for months? 

When intimacy disappears completely, it’s rarely about being tired or busy. It’s about where that connection is going instead. When a partner suddenly withdraws affection and avoids intimacy, it can be a sign that their emotional and physical needs are being met elsewhere. 

What hurt most was how he sacrificed his own needs, staying silent to avoid adding to her stress, while she had already found comfort in someone else’s arms. Only now he understood what those mysterious receipts he’d found really meant.

7. She Has Secret Expenses

The clues had been right in front of him, literally. The receipts. 

He once found a receipt from a steakhouse in her coat pocket. Wasn’t she a vegetarian? That could have been enough to set off alarms, but Marcus trusted his wife. “Work thing,” she had said. But then came the other signs: new clothes she never wore around him, rideshare receipts at strange hours. 

One strange expense becomes two, then three, and suddenly, it’s more than just indulgence — it’s secrecy. 

Unexplained spending often signals something more than carelessness. Hidden spending can signal a hidden life. The dinners, the gifts, the small luxuries — none of them had been for them.

In this context, the irony of their recent fight was suffocating now.

8. She Accuses You of Cheating

Eventually, he let out a broken laugh remembering how she had accused him of being unfaithful.

She had thrown the accusation at him like a dagger, sharp and unexpected. “Who are you always texting?” she had snapped one night. Marcus had stood there, stunned, trying to reassure her with tired explanations about work deadlines and family responsibilities. Again, he put it on work stress instead of knowing better. But now, it all made cruel, perfect sense.

Accusations like that don’t always come from suspicion — they come from guilt. Cheaters often project their own betrayal, turning the spotlight away from themselves. It’s a self-defense mechanism, a twisted way of shielding themselves from the weight of their own actions by making you carry the doubt instead.

Looking back, Marcus realized she wasn’t questioning his loyalty — she was ashamed of her own disloyalty. And now, what was left? How do you come back from this? Could he ever forgive her? Did he even want to? And the cruelest question of all — was she already halfway out the door?

Should You Forgive Your Cheating Wife?

Cheating doesn’t just break trust — it dismantles your reality. 

When the person who promised to love you till your dying days becomes the source of your greatest pain, it’s hard to even think about forgiveness. For Marcus — and anyone standing in his shoes — the question isn’t just “Can I forgive her?” but “Should I?” 

It’s a brutal reckoning. 

• Don’t bury it — feel it. This sucks, and pretending you’re fine won’t help. Let yourself be angry, hurt, or numb — it’s all valid. Do what you need to do to process the emotions, don’t bottle them up. My go-to is always journaling. 
• Figure out what you need. Space? Answers? Respect? Focus on what helps you get clarity — not what makes her comfortable.
• Get the facts. If you’re going to make a decision, you need the truth. When you are ready to talk, ask direct questions, and don’t settle for vague answers.
• Be honest about the relationship before this. Was the relationship solid, or were there cracks already showing? And here’s the real gut check: Are you truly disappointed in her, or were you looking around too and it’s just your pride you’re defending?
• Talk to someone who gets it. My recommendation is always to speak to a therapist. That’s how I’ve gotten out of my heartbreak. But if you’re not ready, talk to someone who gets it (preferably in person, not a Reddit thread). Getting it off your chest can help clear your head.
• Ask yourself: Do you even want this anymore? Not what’s easier. Not what looks good from the outside. What do you want?
• Watch her actions, not her words. Saying sorry is easy. Is she actually showing regret? Look for effort, not just apologies.
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean staying. You can let go of the anger for your own peace — and still decide that walking away is the best choice.

In the end, Marcus faced the only questions that mattered: Could he live with what she did? Did he even want to try? And was she actually willing to fix what she broke?

There were no easy answers. Just one simple truth — he had to choose what was best for him. Whether that meant staying and rebuilding or walking away for good, it had to be his call.

These are the reads that may help you make your decisions: 

• How to Get Over Someone Cheating on You: A Step-by-Step Guide
• 9 Signs She’s Cheating & Why You Can’t Afford to Ignore Them
• 19 Effective Couples Therapy Exercises to Strengthen Your Relationship
• 13 Signs Your Relationship Is Over: Key Warning Indicators
• How to Avoid Divorce and Save Your Marriage: A Deep Journey Back to Love and Connection

Our guides to being in a relationship can help you rebuild your marriage after betrayal.

FAQs

References

1. Wang, W. (2018, January 10). Who cheats more? The demographics of infidelity in America. Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

2. Gamer, M., & Suchotzki, K. (2018). Lying and psychology. In J. Meibauer (Ed.), The Oxford handbook of lying. Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780198736578.013.34